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boosterthisgold · 3 years ago

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I want to talk about The good place; season 4; "a normal girl from Arizona" part one and two

More like I need to or I'll combust into tiny pieces on someones kitchen tiles.

Cw memory loss and just me talking about being in love I guess

This wont be coherent as is anything in my head I just need to talk about it bc ooohhh my fucking shit I havent even finished it but-

Chidi's and Eleanors relationship is so important. First they get introduced as soul mates to one another only to feel the pain of not being cosmically bound. Considering that Chidi decides to help Simone recover in the afterlife only after he thinks she is his soul mate so it's safe to assume Chidi did take it to heart. But after thinking they aren't soulmates they manage to find eachother again. And again. And again. After almost dying, being separated, HAVING THEIR MEMORIES WIPED. If soul mates aren't real and Micheal assigned them to eachother to make them hurt, how come even in different circumstances they still fell in love again? Did Micheal make a lucky guess or was it just meant to be? On top of that when Chidi gets assigned a new fake soul mate, it doesnt click the same way. So it would be true that it's just that Eleanor is the one.

But of course no one can be happy forever in media or life so... Chidi once again loses all memory to help defeat the bad place and the fact they sent his ex, knowing he would be too nervous to help. Can you imagine the soul crushing pain fucking Eleanor would be in?

Imagine time and time again LOSING the person you fell in love with but this time you have to remember it. You have to see their face and knowing you cant kiss it, see their hands and know you cant hold them, look at them and knowing they don't remember every moment that made your connection special. And Eleanor can't even try to strike up a romance again because she has to pretend to be the architect, the only plan would be after the experiment is over to show him clips of memories. But that doesnt mean it would bring back the feeling as we saw Chidi's reasoning to seeing them was "that's a different Chidi, not me" while they were in Janet's void. And if she starts flirting with him after the experiment who knows if itll work or if she can hide all the memories she has of their time beforehand.

So. Not only does she have to see the love of her life walk around not remembering her, potentially falling in love with someone else, knowing this might be the last time she ever got together with him but it's also framed as a huge sacrifice on his end and she has to smile it off and is considered selfish and a bad leader when she hesitates to matchmake the guy she fell for and his ex.

Knowing you've found one another over and over again only to realize "shit...it can't happen again, can it?" How do you just pretend you're not in love anymore? I'm an amnesiac and deeply in love with my boyfriend and one of my worst fears is that if I forget I will forever loose him and that I wouldnt care that I'd loose him.

Just like in that one scene after watching their memories together before Chidi gets his wiped he says "I'm gonna miss you so much Eleanor" and she says "but you wont. That's what's so scary." And she is right. How can you miss someone you haven't met or well thought you havent met? She will miss him and she will fight for him but he wonr have the memory and feelings to do the same so he may act out of line because on his end the connection doesnt exist, accidentally harming Eleanor but probably not caring because...who is she anyway? He says "I haven't fallen in love before" after being wiped and Eleanor has to smile and say "I know." He didnt mean to hurt her, he didnt mean to be a dick but because he doesn't understand the past nature of their relationship; even a small comment that is insignificant to him is a boulder on her shoulders and there is nothing she can do. She can't hold him accountable because to him, he doesnt owe her anythingz.

What's more is that before he gets rebooted Micheal makes a compilation of memories they DON'T remembered because of the past memory cleans. Memories where they still fall in love. But they don't remember any of it. It's ironic, isnt it? How they've experienced so much joy together yet get to recollect none of it? And now the little they had is getting taken away for the last final time.

Eleanor says "weve found eachother hundreds of times. We can do it again." But I think that somewhere deep inside, maybe because Chidis ex is in the experiment, she doesn't believe that. But that line and the fact they've met eachother in so many different "attempts" as Micheal calls them is so important to me. Idk if anyone here other than me believes in cosmically bound souls but my boyfriend and I are twin flames; the same soul separated in two bodies, always looking for eachother in every life time (not inherently romantic istg some ppl r stupid) but him and I have looked for one another in different lifes, lifes we don't remember and now we have found eachother. The thought it may go away in the next life or even right now is terrifying to me. But we too have probably found eachother hundreds of times and here we are, doing it again.

How fundamentally important is memory to connections? Can you work off of feeling alone? Sure, you may have your feelings still but you won't know why you love them. You won't know what person they are. You won't know them. And how do you justify loving someone you dont know to yourself?

"What's the point of love if it's just gonna dissapear and how is it worse to not love anybody?" There is no universal answer to the question Eleanor asks Janet but my take is that its memories. Even if you loose the feeling you once felt youd still have that necklace they bough you, or that special place you had, that song they played you, those laughs and jokes, those warm years that passed. You'll still know everything that made them special, everything that made your time fulfilled. Even if you loose someone, they were still once there and as long as you have the capacity to remember them; have you lost them?

Recently I found screenshots in my gallery of people I don't remember. That's me, in the screenshots talking to them. Sending hearts and saying I love them. Talking about how funny they are and making inside jokes that I now feel very outside of. The more I looked the more my heart warmed up but the less I remembered. I felt the love. I felt everything that I did back then for them but now I can't justify it. I can't say I know them. I can't say they mean something because, well, who are they even? All of the laughter and calls and joy; why does it matter I feel nice when I think of them if I don't know "them"?

The response Janet gives is something I've written countless poems on and have never been able to pin down the feeling but this show does it well. Maybe it's my own emotional attachment or the fact I saw it soon after falling in love but it's still impactful to me more than ever.

"If there is an answer I could tell you about how the universe works it wouldnt be special, it would be a bunch of code doing its cosmic design. Nothing makes sense so when you find something or someone that does, its euphoria."

Euphoria. That's the feeling I get when I feel I'm in place. When I'm inside my own body and something begins to make sense. When I'm around my friends and I hear they are alive and well, when I remember why I love them. Euphoria. When I got together with my boyfriend that's what it was. It made sense. It wasn't something I didnt want, something I didnt see coming, something that was thrust upon me as another chaos in the chaos. It made sense. When we held hands before we were together it made sense. When we talked of growing old together before we were together it made sense. Now when I feel my heart sink when he has to leave; it makes sense. When i beg time to slow down; it makes sense. When I don't flinch at touch for the first time; it makes sense. To be lost and finally see your home street; its euphoric. A place you know. A place you understand.

And if Paradise is supposed to make sense of course Chidi and Eleanor found one another. It just makes sense, doesnt it? Finding out why you're here; would you really care for your cosmic purpose if you knew it and it differed from what your heart longed for?

It makes sense Chidi and Eleanor were in love. It doesn't make sense he has to leave once again. So maybe, just maybe, that was the real torture.

I have so many other thoughts but its work time

Bye bitchesssss

#tw memory loss

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drawlfoy · 4 years ago

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The Wonders of Ohio P.5

masterlist (check here for parts 1-4!) request guidelines

pairing: draco x reader

request: from 14 year old me babey

warnings: cringe, mentions of drug use, mentions of sex, language, and just bad writing

summary: y/n is in her senior year of high school when she is asked to take on an exchange student from britain that’s a little...different. this is NOT a nonmagic AU. draco is still a wizard and this will become and integral part of the story shortly.

a/n: heyyyy everyone. i graduated from high school this week and i’m posting this as my happy-one-year-to-me. as some of you may know, i posted my very first fic on this day a year ago. i’m really happy to see how i’ve grown since and i’m so lucky to have shared this with all of you. anyways, nittygritty--

this part is really the last slow exposition chapter. chapters 6 on will be a whole whirlwind beginning with homecoming and i hope that you guys are willing to stick around. i promise itll be worth the wait. y/n is going to get the story arc of a lifetime and also please do not hate heather she is just going through it ok

anywayssssssss

tags tags tags @gruffle1 @missmulti @cleopatera @hahaboop @accio-rogers @geeksareunique @eltanin-malfoy @war-sword @cams-lynn @itsivyberry @ayo-cowbelly @nerd-domland @erisdogwood @loveissupernatural

word count: 4.6k (;))

song recs:

strawberry blonde -- mitski

in your neighbors garden -- mimi bay

wishes -- beach house

ode to artifice -- samia

pink in the night -- mitski

enjoy <3

The seatbelt buckle scorched the side of Y/N’s exposed neck as she turned to face the disheveled blonde in the passenger seat.

“Do I need to teach you to set an alarm?”

Draco let out a huff. “Stop. Do you have a….a comb, or a brush, or something here?” His hands looked abnormally fidgety. Their actions were shaky, varying from patting his pockets to running through his hair. He seemed more and more frustrated each time his hands left his pockets empty.

How curious Y/N thought as she racked her brain for any remembrance of putting a brush in her car. It was always a mess, and she honestly couldn’t blame Draco for assuming that anything could be in there.

“I don’t think there’s one here,” said Y/N, trying to sound at least a little sympathetic despite the fact that his tardiness had them 10 minutes late. “You can look around if you want, king.”

“What’d you call me?” His voice was suddenly sharp and awake.

Y/N rolled her eyes so hard that she thought they’d get stuck in the back of her head. “You don’t--ok. It’s a joke. You can call guys here that.”

“And it means that I’m…?”

“It means I’m acknowledging that you exist, I guess. It’s not like it has a strict negative or positive connotation. Like, I can say ‘Ok king’ to any man telling me something and it can either be sarcastic, or it can be because I don’t know what else to say and just want to let him know I heard him.”

Draco’s eyes looked a tad glazed over when Y/N dared a glance in his direction.

“I know it’s confusing. I’m sorry. I’ll try and ease you into the world of American slang.”

He granted her a little “uh-huh” before opening up the glovebox with great difficulty and rummaging through the mess. Y/N would’ve felt more embarrassed about the tampon that fell on the ground in the process if he seemed like he actually knew what it was.

Her attention turned back to the road as Draco continued to sift through things. Y/N couldn’t help but wonder if there was anything embarrassing hidden away in the corners of her car--after all, it hadn’t been organized since the beginning of summer--and decided that it was better to pretend it wasn’t happening.

It wasn’t the eerie silence that eventually prompted her to turn to look his direction--no, it was the weird energy in the car, like the feeling right before a thunderstorm. All the hair raised on her arms, and she shivered...but it was stifling hot in the car.

“Oh, did you find a brush?” she asked. His hair laid as perfectly as always, but his hands were lying shaking in his lap, palms to the sky. No hairbrush was in sight.

“Er... “ He was paler than usual, which was quite the feat for someone who looked like a ream of paper. “No. Just remembered a trick my father taught me.”

She tensed at the mention of his father--the very first time Draco had done so. “Oh. Okay. Glad you got it figured out, king.”

Her voice lightened on the last word, hoping she could coax a little smile out of him.

“Don’t call me that.”

“Ok.”

oOo

There were many things Y/N thought she understood, but Draco Malfoy being in her Physics C class was not one of them. She took pity and sat next to him as he fumbled his way through the first lecture. His notes, while neat, were littered with crossed out portions and question marks.

You do know there’s an eraser on your pencil, right? she jotted on a note that she sent his way. His brow furrowed and he seemed to tap at the end of the eraser for just a few moments before deciding otherwise and xing out another practice problem he’d done incorrectly. Symbols that she’d never seen before were scattered all throughout his notes.

Maybe the UK kids just learn stuff differently.

By the time that Physics came to an end, Y/N was eager to get away from the storm cloud that was brewing over Draco’s perfectly smoothed and infuriatingly pretty moonbeam colored hair. The amount of attention he was getting from all the other girls made Y/N want to jump off a cliff--suddenly everyone was her “best friend” “just wanting to check up on what happened over summer”. She was grateful to see the face of Lizzy, grinning and looking mischievous during their break period.

“You must be Draco,” said the redhead, a glint in her eyes. He looked a little scared.

“Er...yeah.”

“Mind giving us some privacy? Y/N and I have some urgent matters to discuss,” she continued, looking him up and down. Y/N attempted to ignore the twist in her gut as she watched him swallow and nod, turning away to go brood elsewhere. Once he was out of sight, Lizzy grabbed her arm and yanked her into the girl’s bathroom.

“It’s so funny how he’s following you around like a lost puppy,” Lizzy said. “Also, he’s gorgeous. If you don’t at least try to get some of that, then I’m never trusting your judgement again.”

“But, Li-”

“The boy’s a fucking walking Wattpad story cover. Dark, tragic past, unbelievably sharp jawline, rich parents, exotic accent....honestly, Y/N, I don’t know what else you could want.”

“Mom literally called him my host brother,” said Y/N. The bathroom was starting to smell suspiciously like cotton candy. “That’s wrong. On so many levels.”

“But you’re not related!”

“But it’s gross! And predatory! The kid doesn’t even know how to do basic algebra! I’m all he has!”

Lizzy’s eyebrow found its new home in the middle of her forehead. “You’ve gone absolutely batty if you think that every girl cursed with attraction to men in Cincinnati wouldn’t jump his skin at the chance. Use your head, queenie. He’s not alone. Shoot your shot.”

Y/N opened her mouth to serve back a retort--that was definitely there, thank you very much--but decided against it once she realized that the bathroom had become dead silent. “Um...maybe we can go over this later.” She flickered her eyes over to the line behind them that was now intently hanging on their every word. “I forgot I had to talk to the counselor.”

Lizzy was smirking as they exited the bathroom and began the search for Draco. It didn’t take long--the circle comprised of Heather and her friends was more than enough of a giveaway that he was about.

“Draco, sorry to make you wait,” Y/N called out. It took all her effort to abstain from cringing as her voice rang out across the group. Heather turned to send her a big smile.

“Hey Y/N! You didn’t tell me that Draco was from London!”

“He’s not,” she responded. “He’s from Wiltshire.”

“Wiltshire. Of course. That’s what I meant.”

Draco’s smile was tense as he looked down at Heather--who stood roughly 4 inches below him--but he was smiling, and that wasn’t something that Y/N was on the receiving end of frequently. She didn’t know whether to be offended or relieved.

“I’m sure. Break’s almost over, Draco. I can show you where the English department is before the time is up.”

He paused, looking down at the blonde grinning up at him. “Er, actually, Heather already offered to show me around for the rest of the day.”

“Yeah, for sure. I’ll see you in French.”

Y/N was shocked at the sheer amount of jealousy that rose up in her throat as she turned away and made her way to Art History---the only class Y/N and Draco didn’t share. The walk was strange. Being in solitude after having a gloomy British boy attached to her hip was understandably eerie. Because that’s all it was. Adjustment. Nothing else.

She settled in at a table full of her friends, namely Sylvia. The tall girl was always a bit whimsical, but Y/N found that she was a breath of fresh air compared to everyone else. It made sense that Sylvia would take Art History--her dark academic inspired aura and the perpetually hot mug of black coffee just screamed history nut.

“How’s your new brother?” she asked after the teacher had taken attendance. “I say that because I haven’t heard his name yet.”

“Ick, it’s gross to think of him as my brother,” Y/N responded. “And I know! We need to catch up. I’m sorry about not talking to you for a bit. The time difference was a bit weird during your trip.”

“It’s ok, I get it. I was away on family business, anyways. I didn’t expect you to spend your days staying up until the wee hours of the night to tell me all about your exchange student. Anyways. His name?”

“You’re gonna scream when you hear it, Vie,” she said. “Draco Malfoy. It’s so posh. You have no idea. It definitely suits him, though. He’s very...You good?”

Sylvia’s olive toned face looked a bit paler than usual. “Yeah. Yeah, I just remembered that I forgot to take the trash out this morning. I’ll have to text my mom about it.” She adjusted the wool cardigan that hung around her shoulders and came up looking composed. “Draco, huh? His parents must hate him.”

“At the very least! He’s so rude. And uptight. I can’t tell if it’s just a Brit thing or if it’s because he’s an asshole.”

Sylvia laughed. “I mean, when I was there over the summer, it was a different culture for sure. We’re by far louder. But I didn’t meet many mean ones. You must’ve just got a bad apple, then.”

“I guess so. He is pret--”

“Ladies, is there something you’d like to share with the rest of the class?”

“No, Mrs. Jensen,” Sylvia and Y/N said in unison.

oOo

“Thoughts, king?”

“I told you not to call me that.” Draco glared at her as he tried to open the passenger side door to find that it was locked tight. “Unlock? Please?”

“And I told you not to get cozy with ASB kids, yet here we are,” said Y/N as she slotted the key into the lock and turned.

“What’s it to you?”

“Nothing. I’m just looking out for you.” She slammed the door shut and threw her bag in the bag. The line of traffic to get out of the school was long and stuffy, and she was eager to just get it over with.

The wait was so hot that Draco peeled off his stupid formalish jacket that was on thin ice of being called a blazer and probably worth more than her car. Y/N tried to look away as his hair became slightly ruffled, but she couldn’t pry her eyes away. It was endearing, almost, how someone who could look so posh and serious could have ruffly hair--and hair that naturally light, too. She had asked him one night if it was dyed, and he scowled at her and told her the grammatically correct term was dead, and that his hair was alive, just like the rest of him, thank you very much. She dropped it.

Y/N finally rolled down her window after the AC simply refused to satisfy her, and the wind was a nice reminder to keep in her own lane. Draco was beautiful. There was no other way to put it. He had a feel of power to him, like he was capable of anything but just held it back. But he was just as inaccessible as he was pretty, and there was nothing she could do about that.

“Y/N?” He asked after a few moments of sitting in silence. “What’s Homecoming?”

“Who told you about that?”

“Heather. She asked if I had a date. Is that like a ball here?”

“She asked you if you had a date on the first day?”

“Yeah.”

“Fuck. ASB kids never do sleep, huh.”

“What?”

“Homecoming isn’t a ball. It’s like a...an…” Y/N paused as she saw Draco raise his eyebrows. “It’s, like, uh….Well I guess it is like a ball. An American one, though. Way less extravagant. It’s an excuse to get dressed up and run around the city. There technically is a dance, and all the ASB kids have to go, but literally no one else does but the underclassmen. Normally I go out with my friends and a date to somewhere fun and take pictures. And then get trashed afterwards.”

“Classy,” said Draco. “I think you can go now.”

A honk behind her emphasized his point as the space in between her and the car in front widened substantially.

“Thanks. Anyways, it’s not really a big deal. I’d suggest not going with Heather so you can skip out on the dance portion. Or if you want to go with her, get her to come with us into Cincinnati because I am not going to spend my last homecoming watching a grind circle.”

“A...what circle? And I don’t want to go with her.”

The relief Y/N felt was embarrassing. “Um...better if you don’t worry about it. You have a long time to figure it out anyways.”

He seemed satisfied with that answer, propping his elbow up on the center console. The pristine button up he was wearing had ridden up, exposing the pale skin and the bottom of the tattoo she had seen a hint of earlier. “Do you have a date?”

“Um. No, not yet. I don’t think anyone except for couples do yet. We have until the end of this month to figure it out, so I’m not too worried about it.”

He nodded as Y/N’s car finally left the school parking lot and began picking up speed.

“I’m assuming you had balls? At your posh boarding school?”

“Er…” Draco ran his hand through his hair, ruffling it further. “We only had one. It was when I was 14. We called it the Yule Ball.”

“Why only one?”

“It was for a special occasion. We had two other schools join us as well. It was quite a good time.”

“So every student only has one ball in their lifetime?”

“Of course not. Some of us--the ones from old families--have events like that regularly.”

“I’m sorry if this is overstepping my bounds,” began Y/N, noticing how he tensed up, “So you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. But, I’m just wondering, what is your family like?”

“What do you mean?”

“Like are they nice?”

“Oh.” The line in his forehead relaxed. “No. They wouldn’t like you.”

“Glad to hear it,” she said. “Do you like them?”

She heard the breath hitch in his throat. “I don’t know anymore.”

“I’m sure it’s hard to think about it when you feel like they’ve just shipped you off without anyone,” she added. “I’m really sorry, Draco. I know I’ve been a bit mean to you. I know that I’ll never be able to understand what you’re going through right now.”

The slight smile that spread across his face would’ve knocked her to her knees if she wasn’t already sitting down. “It’s okay. I wouldn’t expect you to understand.”

The silence that awaited them for the rest of the journey was comfortable.

oOo

School began to pick up the pace after the first few days. Y/N got into the swing of homework and her extracurricular workload. Draco was having a bit more difficulty, she presumed, but he’d never admit to it. She took pity one evening and gave him her laptop opened to a Khan Academy tab for Physics and was pleased to see that he showed up to class the next day with completed homework. He asked to borrow her laptop on a much more frequent basis after that.

The routine they settled into had her heart leaping into her chest almost constantly--they’d eat breakfast together at the table, Y/N would try to ignore how pretty he looked across the table as they shared a pot of black tea (earl grey, which Y/N was thrilled to learn was his favorite as well), they’d get in the car, she’d write him notes in physics to help him (even though he never asked, he always smile and give a little shake of his head before unfolding them and intently staring at her writing), they’d drive home together and bitch about their French teacher, he’d retire to his room and do whatever pretty blonde Brits do in the afternoon, they’d meet unexpectedly at the same time in the late evening to have a final cup of tea, and then they’d go to bed and do it all over again.

It was difficult for her to admit, but Y/N was falling very quickly for Draco. It was gross, and wrong, and manipulative, and completely against the code of conduct for exchange families, but she couldn’t help but spend her days fantasizing about how his gold-spun hair would feel as she ran her fingers through it or how gently she’d trace her fingers around the tattoo on the soft flesh of his forearm…

But Y/N knew those thoughts weren’t right. And they would go away. Eventually.

“How’s it going?” Sylvia asked, effectively snapping her out of her thoughts. The Art History sub told them to go into independent study, whatever that meant. Y/N was not very good at either of those words.

“Pretty good. I can’t believe it’s been 3 weeks already,” she said. “It’s gonna be Halloween before we know it.”

“I can’t fucking waitttt,” said Sylvia. “I’m gonna be Wednesday Addams.”

“Again?”

“What else would I be? I get a new high collared black dress every year. It’d be a shame if it were going to go to waste. What are you gonna be?”

“One of the thousands of students finishing their UChicago ED app hours before the deadline.”

“You’re kidding. Can’t you just finish it the day before?”

“Where’s the fun in that? And, plus, I don’t have an idea as cool as Wednesday.”

Sylvia smirked as she opened up her planner and began to jot down something. “How’s Draco doing? I haven’t seen much of him lately. It seems like he never hangs out with us at break anymore.”

“Yeah, I ended up getting him connected with the Physics teacher. He’s getting tutored now. He thinks it’s all bullshit, but I don’t want to be the reason he doesn’t get into a good school.”

“Is that all you care about?” She smiled at Y/N. “Lizzy was telling me that you’re interested in him.”

“First of all, keep your voice down. Second of all, I’m not supposed to be, so I’m not.” Y/N hoped that the edge in her voice was convincing enough.

Her friend raised her eyebrows so dramatically that her glasses nearly slipped off her nose. “Y/N, who’s gonna hear about it. You guys are both going away at the end of the year anyways, and I’m sure he’s not going to be writing to his dear mum about his love life. If it’s consensual, there’s nothing wrong with it. I think it’d be good for both of you.”

“I see that, but let’s put me in his shoes right now.” Y/N shuffled in her seat and clasped her hands. “I’m rich. I’m British. I’m very hot. My parents throw extravagant balls for me and I kiss pretty girls that say water like ‘wota’. I’ve spent my life in silk and I only drink the finest teas. My family is so important that I had to be shipped off halfway across the world just to be safe. And now my incredibly expensive life has reached a peak because I’m sleeping with a random girl in Ohio that has run approximately 4 stop signs since I’ve met her.”

“You’re sleeping with Draco?”

Y/N turned to see Lauren, a wide-eyed, obnoxious, but well meaning girl staring at her. She heard Sylvia stifle a laugh behind her. “No. I was kidding.” The smile that she followed with was awkward and showed way too many teeth.

“Oh, okay,” said Lauren. “Do you know if he likes anyone?”

Sylvia’s smirk widened.

“No, actually, he’s a pretty private guy.” Y/N sent her another tense smile, and Lauren finally turned away.

“Jealous, huh?”

“Shut up, Vie. You know I wouldn’t go for him. Even if I had the chance.”

She just raised an eyebrow and smiled.

The afternoon brought its own set of struggles. Their French teacher had blown up at another student who had been caught cheating on their last test, and it was all Y/N could do but hold back her snickers until they were out in the parking lot.

“I can’t believe they still managed to conjugate their cheat sheet wrong.” Y/N was gasping for breath as she unlocked the car door and threw her stuff inside. Draco was watching from the passenger seat, his lips in a soft upturn. “Can you imagine? Oh my god.”

He just shook his head and turned to look out the window, but she could see the smile slowly stretching across his face. “Ridiculous. You could totally tell Monsieur enjoyed it, too. I bet he gets off on making kids like Joey cry.”

“I had a teacher like that,” he started. “He was a Poti-a chemistry teacher.”

“Oh? Did he ever attack you?”

“No. He liked me. Family friends and all.”

“Ah. I almost forgot that your family was rich and influential. Thanks for the reminder.” She reached across and lightly punched his shoulder. His smile, though still remaining, seemed to shrink. “Hey, what’s that in your bag?”

Y/N motioned to the cardstock peeking out of his nondescript black backpack that always seemed to fit more than it was meant to. She could make out a few words written in what looked like a bright red sharpie--something that did not exactly scream Draco Malfoy aesthetic.

He froze up. “Er. It’s from Heather. I think she called it a Homecoming ask?”

Y/N’s throat dried up to the point that no words would willingly make the climb from her diaphragm to her tongue; instead, she settled for giving him a little nod and what she hoped was a convincing smile.

“I told her I’d think about it,” he continued. “I remember you saying that the school dances sucked. So I let her know that I wasn’t sure yet.”

She nodded again. “Super cool. You can do whatever you want, though. You can come with my group if you’d like, but you’re welcome to go with Heather’s.”

“What? So you aren’t coming with me if I go with Heather?”

“Fuck no, dude. I don’t hate her, but I would way prefer to spend a night with my friends than some girl from my French class that only talks to me because she thinks you’re hot.”

The expression Draco made reminded Y/N that he would never get comfortable with American girls calling him hot. “Ok. Have you found a date yet?”

“Chad from Econ asked me yesterday.”

“Is that why my seat was covered in glitter?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you going with him?” Draco’s hand was clenched tight in a fist in his lap.

“I think so,” said Y/N, steeling herself and deciding to just go for it. “But, of course, if you asked me I would say no to Chad. Just out of principle. I am supposed to be your tour guide, after all.”

The only parts of him moving were the few stray wisps of his hair being pushed around by the AC going.

“But that’d be weird. I’d only expect you to take that up if you really didn’t want to go to the dance itself.” She swallowed and pulled out onto the main street, putting distance between them and the school. He was silent for a few moments. The quiet, normally comfortable between them, was stifling and strange. She pretended to ignore the way he was fiddling with his cuffs.

“Yeah, it could be,” was all he said before slumping against the window and closing his eyes.

Mrs. Y/L/N was sitting at the head of the coffee table when the two arrived home, carding between a stack of letters in front of her. The mug of something--probably that new decaf blend she hadn’t stopped raving about--was sitting lopsided on a coaster, just barely about to topple off the edge. She looked like she hadn’t moved for hours, the novel she had been previously reading sat face down to preserve the spot next to her no doubt lukewarm drink.

“Hey Mom,” Y/N said as she set her keys down. “Anything good?”

She looked up, her expression morphing from startled to happy. “Other than the college brochures? Nothing, except...hm, what’s this?”

Her well manicured hand pulled at a crimson envelope, with sloping writing that seemed to shimmer in the light.

To the Y/L/N Family, it read. The loopiness of the writing looked like it wiggled at the ends, but that had to be a trick of the light. It was dim in the kitchen during afternoons, after all.

“It looks cool, open it u--”

“No!”

Draco’s voice had never sounded so loud as it did then as he lunged across the kitchen, snatching it out of her mother’s hand and clutching it to his chest. “Er, it’s for me. I recognize the handwriting.”

“Cool, see you later,” said Y/N. She was up the stairs and slamming her door before either of her housemates could say another word. After the horrible embarrassment that was technically Draco’s rejection, she needed to be alone.

Even burying her face into her pillow and squeezing her eyes shut didn’t keep the scenes from their car ride at bay. She had been so stupid, so stupid. Why did she even think he wanted that? He was her brother, after all. Oh god, does he think we’re all from Alabama or something?

She wallowed for a few more mournful minutes before deciding that she had to pick herself up and handle it like an adult. After all, she was going to be 18 in just a few months. There was no excuse for her to act like a child anymore. And, plus, it wasn’t like she couldn’t just play this off as a pity invite. Yes,that’s what she’d frame this as if he ever asked her about it again. She felt bad for him was all it was.

Once satisfied with her internal dialogue, she rolled out of bed and made for the foyer where her bag was still on the table. She’d first walk on Legos barefoot before she had to let a stupid boy--especially one that didn’t know how to turn on their shower and had to ask for her help every time--come between her and her 4.0. Never.

Her thoughts were cut short, however, when she heard a new sound from his side of the hallway. She froze, listening closely.

Draco was crying.

#draco x reader #draco malfoy x reader #draco imagine #draco malfoy imagine #draco malfoy #draco #draco x you #draco x y/n #draco malfoy x you #draco malfoy fanfiction #draco lucius malfoy #draco x oc #draco malfoy x oc

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daddy-daichis · 4 years ago

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Yesterday the very beautiful and talented @fuwari-s tagged me in this game and since that post is already really long i figured id make a new one lol (Also thank you for tagging me, it made me so happy)

The Game: Tag your 2D lovers + the other trend I saw yesterday and wanted to do which is Would you actually date them IRL. So ill put that under the cut because it is a lot.

HQ: Atsumu, Daichi, Issei, Bokuto, Hinata, and Kyoutani

BNHA: Bakugou, Denki, and Hawks

JJK: Sukuna and Mei Mei

Others: Kagami from KNB, Levi and Jean from AOT, and Mikoto Suoh from K

So if you want to know if i would date them irl that is below the cut lol

As for tagging... if you want to do it :) @eijirosriot @bokutosnumberonefan @hinosreis @tetsus-kitten @sugawarakoushihoe @mynameisjackattack and anyone else who wants to do one or both of these challenges.

Alright so would i date these men (+ mei mei) in real life. Short answer is yes lmao. Long answer, with some headcanons that may or may not venture into 18+ category but only slightly. all aged up to be my age which is 26.

Atsumu - PLEASE, YES

we would be so chaotic together but he would also be really loving. As long as he can still prioritize me in a relationship, not over volleyball, just as much, then we will be golden. We would have such a good time and i feel like we would have a lot of fun bickering, which i really enjoy. Play fighting as a form of foreplay, if you will lmao. We’d probs be friends in HS and then get together after he starts playing for MSBY and he is secured in his position (and himself tbh). I just love this cocky bastard. he also gives me switch vibes and as a switch, i love that for me.

Daichi - YES

All i need is to be wrapped in his arms on the daily and i would be happy. Man would know how to take care of me and that is all. Love of my life, too good for this world. Wholesome husband. He would be able to manage my crazy side and chill me out when i get to anxious. I would want to be bratty just to get him to drop his good guy routine sometimes and I feel like he would like that.

Issei - YES

Funeral home employee can get it. Matsukawa Horse cock Issei can whisk me off my feet and straight into bed. we would have a lot of fun picking on oikawa together (out of love of course) but we would balance each other out a lot. His darker humor would go well against my lighter humor. Also I feel like our level of hotness is pretty comparable... like we aren't the prettiest in the friend group but still good (if that makes sense)

Bokuto - YES

Big ball of sunshine to light up my day, he would literally fuck the sad out of me every day I just know it. Like atsumu, as long as I am a priority to him itll work out. We also kind of have the same sad moods so I feel like we could either both just curl up on the couch together and watch a movie or bring the other out of a funk easily. I love this giant himbo so much.

Hinata - most likely yes

Pretty much the same reasons as bokuto but I feel like I would get drained of his energy faster, so he would def have to cuddle me more. For everyone else so far I can imagine being high school sweethearts, but with hinata i think he wouldnt settle down until later, or even start dating so it would probably be a lot of pining and watching him from the side lines for a while, which would be really hard tbh. but the way he would smile at me after a match would make it worth it so...

Kyoutani - Hard YES

I love a boy with anger issues, what can i say... (cough couch my irl husband with anger issues couch couch) I would love to be his weak spot and the one person he would go to to help him not feel angry anymore. I think that my fun personality would help him to unbox himself a bit. I just want to give him cuddles and a place to feel accepted. id also i KNOW hes a monster in bed...

Bakugou - FUCKING HARD YES, PLEASE

if he was real the things i would do to and for him... A lot like kyoutani i would want to give him a place where hes accepted, and a place where he is unconditionally loved. I would be able to handle his misguided anger and calm him down and give him space. I headcanon that hes very cuddly in private to just his S/O which is something that i love. I love his lil smirk and would do anything to get him to smirk at me. As long as he is able to set me as a priority it would work out, but that would be what he struggles with so it would be a thing we would have to talk about. But I also feel that once you say something about it he would check in with you because of course he has to be the best bf/husband. I feel like I could talk for hours about him so Ill just wrap it up by saying that I love me a passionate man who would probs be a lil possessive, and I would use that to my advantage.

Denki - GOD YES

I really do think that denki and I are soulmates. we are both the perfect blend of funny, pervy, while still being soft. I feel like there would be a lot of mutual pining at first but he would end up the golden retriever gamer boy to my alt bisexual and thats just the perfect pairing. We would pull so much shit and then get away with it because thats just us being us. I see us being scolded by bakugou a lot for the stupid shit we would pull. Also late night drives in his shitty tuned car to taco bell while we sing alt rock songs from the 2010s. also the switch vibes are immaculate.

Hawks - Probably

So it would honestly depend a lot on what version of hawks.. him in the hero commission is a no, because he wouldnt be able to be honest with me about a lot of stuff. Like his name, or when i can see him again, and that would give me too much anxiety. When hes free of them and is actually allowed to be himself I think it could work then. I know that he of course wants to still be the best hero, so he would have the same problems as bakugou with finding a balance, but if he wants to i think he could. He would also have a lot of trauma from his relationship with his parents and the commission so I dont know if he would be able to give his love away as freely as he wants so we could get therapy together. I love that for us. But i would happily wake up next to this beautiful birb man if he would have me.

Sukuna - A hesitant yes

so.. the anger issues that ive mentioned before.. yes. I would like sukuna. I would be his lil bride and sit on his lap on his throne as long as he didnt kill my loved ones or my cats lmao. I would also be ok with being his and itadoris gf while hes living in itadoris head. being with him is just asking for an unhappy ending tho, whether its a life always on the run, or someones trying to kill me, or someones trying to kill him, or hes trying to kill someone. But yes i would like to be with him but that would mean sacrificing a lot.

Mei Mei - god yessssss..

Please Mei Mei step on me and make me ur lil house wife. I see us living in a pent house apartment with the most breathtaking view of the Tokyo skyline. I would want for nothing and she could take me where ever she wanted and i would just follow her around with heart eyes.

Kagami - YES

my basketball husband! i love him and would love to be loved by him. Id follow him wherever. He would take care of me and is just so dreamy.. also i guess the mild anger issues.. but hes really not that bad. He would just be such a good s/o. He would cook us nice dinners, wed have a few cats, and he would carry me around a lot because hes so strong. While were on the topic of strong... his stamina... everyone on this list probably has good if not great stamina... but kagami just hits different..... have you seen him in the zone? have you seen his thighs? his sex zone has got to be incredible.

Levi - Yes

I was going to say it depends, but really it doesn't... if were in the aot universe and hes my captain and I fall in love with him u can bet ur ass im gonna try and get with him because i could die at anytime. if its some au where he is here in our universe and somehow we meet... like of course im gonna be in love with him. our height difference isnt too bad, im only like an inch or 2 taller than him. I think we would both have a great time together. I would make him laugh, and he would help me clean, because lord knows I hate cleaning. BUT i hate cleaning because its something that I always have to do alone, and I feel like levi would have us be cleaning together like he makes the scouts do. and hes just so sexy...

Jean - big yes

This beautiful handsome man... idk what to even say about him. Hes strong, funny, handsome, cocky, but very much full of love. would love to run away from the world with him. I feel like if he was in love with me before *tries not to give away spoilers* the marco incident (?) that after he would become very clingy and attached and im ok with that. There would have to be lots of cuddles and reassurances and i just want to see him happy and not at war, with both real life people and himself... id give him the best kisses and he would become addicted to them.

Mikoto - No? But maybe...

I feel like we could be.. but if you watched the show then you know.. But i would love to be Homra’s princess TBH. No one would mess with me or they would have to face the wrath of my big fire boyfriend and his whole ass gang. But on the other hand I feel like Mikoto wouldnt allow himself to fall in love, so it would probably be a hush hush topic. everyone knows the boss and I are in an entanglement, but they cant talk about it. Then Anna starts asking questions to Mikoto and he has to come clean to her, which would be so cute. He tells her is a secret but she doesn't care lmao. in conclusion, I would want to, but I dont think he would let me.... Maybe friends with benefits tho....

............................................................................................

ok if you read all this im officially in love with you. Please take my heart.

This took me like 2 hours to do because I love thinking about it so much. if you have any thoughts about any of this hop into my dms or comment on this because id love to hear them (especially if you think i belong with one more than the others lmao).

#i cant believe i spent 2 hours on this.#im just so in love with 2d characters #about me

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mr-humphries · 3 years ago

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Might as well share this here. It's just a roleplay I did with myself over on BB Amino to cure my boredom, so dont expect it to be good fJFJEK

Peak my oc too 😩✨

_________

To be sent on a late soul collection was one thing, but the task of elimination was just baffling. Charlie would much rather be at home with that chonky little cat of his instead of being released on a life or death mission that could leave him extremely injured. But he knows better to disobey the higher-ups. Adjusting his glasses, Charlie remained cloaked in the shadow of a building, keeping his eye out for the target he was sent to rid of, one Alan Humphries, the fallen grim reaper who miraculously reappeared after the events of Crystal Palace, despite his partner having taken his life and 1000 souls were accounted for.

Whatever that blasted Undertaker has done with him, its messed up the entirety of Dispatch, dealing with taunts and attacks from the very same "reaper". And he was a good one at that. He was someone Charlie felt no reason to fight with.

He didn't have a say in this anyway.

Charlie flipped through his collection book, still awaiting the appointed time. Even at the slightest sound, he was on alert, a hand on his (cloaked) scythe, prepared to strike when he gets the chance. If only he was smarter than that, then he wouldve seen what was coming. A scythe. Right to face.

"Fancy seeing your face around here reaper," he taunted, while Charlie staggered and readied his own scythe, looking around in every direction "a fresh face like yours would make you someone fun to toy with" A grip on Charlie's shoulder startled him, making him spin around and attempt to attack whoever's behind him, which failed, and sent him flying into a corner. "Honestly mate, surely they would teach you better than that at the academy," a scythe blade pressed up to his throat "it's a little pathetic."

Charlie dropped whatever was in his hands and held them up, almost surrendering "I'm not sure what you want me to say, Humphries"

"Come on, what's with the formalities? I may be out hunting the Dispatch for my enjoyment and the sake of being rewarded quite generously, but you dont have to be formal about it, its weird-" Alan rolled his eyes, which had no real discernable colour, mainly faded or Grey, before peering back down at the reaper "so. What do you want?"

Charlie simply glared at the reaper standing above him, despite his short height, he was quite intimidating. "I want nothing from you-"

Alan scowled, pressing his scythe harder on Charlie's neck "come on now, you dont have to lie to me. I'm not a parrot. I wont be repeating anything to anyone else, but I will take something personally. So tread lightly regardless." Alan flashed him a soft smirk, just loving the defeat in Charlie's eyes. "I was sent to rid of you"

"Did Spears send you?"

"The Higher-ups sent me-" Charlie stopped glaring to stare into the wall beside him "I didnt want to be here, I had to go against my own will." Alan snickered at Charlie's remark "what's so funny about that?"

"The fact that Dispatch would rather save their own skins sending someone so under qualified for the job," Alan pulled the scythe away from Charlie, crouching in front of him with a smirk "Its kind of sad really... that they dont actually care for you and send you for a sacrifice~"

"You say that as if it's a terrible thing"

"Terrible? No no, better for me, but quite selfish indeed..." he chuckled.

"so, what I'm getting from this is Higher-ups are afraid of me?"

Charlie hesitated, "I wouldnt say afraid-" Alan groaned in response "you dont have to e going and defending them. They sent you out here to rid of me, and look at where it's getting you. Not very far."

"Regardless of what theyve done, I'm still alive like this because of them. I still have a bit of faith if getting redeemed, is that so wrong?"

"Oh you poor thing... thinking theres life after death... a redemption waiting for you just beyond the horizon," Alan got up, giggling, before a deadpan look came across his face when Charlie didnt laugh too "heaven doesn't exist, lad. All that waits, is hell, no matter how hard you work. Lower your expectations a little, 'kay?" Alan's smiled reappeared "now, if it's up to schedule I suppose we'll be meeting again. I'm free at 6 on wednesdays if your rather settle this over dinner," Alan turned and began to leave, waving him off "ta ta I guess."

Charlie quickly got up, stumbling as he ran after him "now hold on just a second!"

"Eh?"

"You work for undertaker- you mention he'd give you a generous reward for slaying the Reapers, right-?"

Alan raised an eyebrow, prompting Charlie to huff "you know, for a dangerous person you're not very considerate-"

"Why do you wanna know?"

Charlie remained silent for a moment, fiddling with his jacket sleeves before answering "just wanted to know."

Alan kept an brow raised, thinking for a moment "what do I get in return for this information, Junior?"

"anything. I'll let you have me. You can kill me, bring me back, whatever. I'll do anything. Justblet me know what Undertaker has."

Alan held a sceptical look on his face "... you know what, because you've been such a good sport. No. I'm not telling you a thing, itll be more torturous to live out that sad little life of yours- none of your business really."

Charlie glared "oh come on! I offered you whatever I can think of!!"

The "reaper" laughed "AH, BUT YOU THOUGHT I WOULD TELL YOU!"

"what's wrong with you?!"

"tell you what, right, I'll compromise with you. I'll tell you what you want, but you have to tell me everything about Dispatch, dates, times of everything. With your shocking combat skills, you're most likely in general affairs..."

Charlie looked down, huffing "deal."

Alan smirked and chuckled, "good." He maneuvered in front of Charlie, knocking the scythe from his hand, taking a real tough grip on his tie and waist to pull him in close, whispering into his ear "when our deal is through... and Dispatch is completely out of commission... I can finally take back what was mine. My Eric~ and, oh, I haven't seen him in years. I'm sure it would be nice to catch up... wouldn't you think?" Charlie's eyes widened "and when hes finally returned, I can finally knock sense into that Michaelis, for making such a big deal of 1000 souls... it's what got My beloved killed after all." Alan let out a dark chuckle, making Charlie shiver, suddenly gasping for air when his tie was tightened around his neck, watching as Alan backed away "and you wont be getting in the way, correct?"

Charlie shook his head vigorously, choking for air when alan let go and the tie loosened slightly "Good. You're a great listener. Let me know when we shall meet again. Doesnt matter where, I'll always find you."

Charlie kept choking for a moment, tearing up slightly as he glared up at the other, "I-I'll find out what I can- we'll meet tomorrow..."

"Glad you're cooperating. Til we meet again." He waved to Charlie, before walking off and leaving him to loosen his tie completely and try to breathe once more.

Oh how screwed he was.

#kuroshitsuji #black butler #1000 souls and the fallen shinigami #the most beautiful death in the world #alan humphries #oc #charlie nightingale

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dg-fragments · 4 years ago

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I never thought I’d fall for someone again but turns out I did and it’s really deep. We’ve been talking for almost a year now but just as friends and he doesn’t know I’ve caught feelings for him. I realised I’ve feelings for him when I’d get jealous and I feel like I don’t have the right to?? We have a really really really great bond, he can talk to me about literally any and everything. I can’t say the same but that’s okay I don’t wanna be selfish. he’s glad he has someone whom he can rely on and trust and he said that because I met him while he was at a very dark phase in his life and Im still sticking with him through it I’ve honestly gotten so attached to him that I’d put him above myself. he’s gotten played by girls twice and he got out of his second relationship a few months ago. Now sometimes I do think there’s hope for us having a future apart from just in my head bcz of the way he talks to me, hed send me cute things from time to time like a tiktok with “send this to the most beautiful soul you know” or tell me that I’m the only girl he regularly talks to. but then He was telling me bout this girl at his uni and I feel like he’s taking interest in her, he said “ she’s too pretty, she’s wayyy above my league, I’m not saying anything now but I’ll like her if she’s similar to me, if I can vibe with her, and if she has good humour” I have that with him but ig she’s too pretty thatShitHurtsSoooooo it literally physically disabled me for hours i mean maybe he’s just physically attracted to her but then if he was at all interested in me he wouldn’t ever take interest in her yeah? Be it physical attraction. Like yeah sure u see prettier people but u only have eyes for that person and you don’t have to force urself to; it’s natural what I mean is when U’re genuinely Into a person you effortlessly are all bout that person , right?? ( in the sense of emotional loyalty). he’s said I’m pretty but I feel like he maybe lied and fake complimented?? He has some toxic traits too but i never picked on them just to rub them on his face to bring him down. Instead I’m patient with him to grow out of it, like grow together. There r traits u have to be patient and traits u should view as a red flag and run. But I can’t watch him be into someone else, Its a shitty soul piercing feeling watching that person take interest in someone else, it wrecks me.I can’t afford to be this hurt, I don’t have in me to. we all deserve someone who’s sure about us and is all bout us. Now idk what to do,should I just cut him off? If I dont let this end now itll be like scratching deep into an open wound on a daily. I don’t wanna do one of those things where he went to sleep and woke up blocked, that’d be very immature and it’d be like I abandoned him so should I just be clear about my feelings for him before cutting ties so he knows why I cut him off?? Should I even cut him off at all, keep my feelings to myself to love him as a friend and bear with him be for someone else ? I don’t wanna lose him but more importantly I don’t to take away the emotional security I’ve given him and the only reason I hadn’t opened up bout my feelings earlier is bcz of how insecure I am bout myself, he’s good looking and girls chase him focusing on his physical attributes but that’s not at all why I like him and plus I don’t wanna get into haram relationship, I think that if people wanna date for physical benefits then they don’t respect u at all ( just my opinion). Idk if you’ll read this cz it’s too long but if u do I really appreciate it. Thank you

Oh well, I actually had to read it multiple times to make sense of everything. You've got quite a lot of stuff going on there and most of it isn't particularly very healthy for you. Firstly, I wouldn't advise you to put him or his feelings above your own and think that you have to be there for him, yes of course you'd like that but considering what you've described about him, it feels like its becoming more burdensome for you and yes I don't know him or his feelings but he might just be taking advantage of your emotional attachment. Besides, calling someone pretty doesn't exactly mean they love you or wanna be with you and you've yourself said that he's been considering other girls (even when they may be out of his league, which is just absurd) and on top of that, you also say that he got out of his second relationship just few months back. From this, at least I would be mindful in catching feelings or even remotely considering any possibilities, and yes you might say that we can't control our feelings and while that may be true, we can't always get what we want and not everything we want is beneficial for us. Personally, I don't think how can this situation be healthy for you. Yes, so you don't wanna lose him because he will lose the emotional security that you've provided him? I mean that doesn't even make sense, because you've gotta think about yourself here; if he was considerate about the emotional security you've provided him, you wouldn't really be thinking about all this. Then you say girls chase him because of his physical attributes and you don't, and I'm like how do you know they also don't wanna lose the emotional security that they think they provide him? Yes, you don't want to cut him off because that might come off as rude, and I don't really want to advise you to open your feelings to him because from what you've described it doesn't seem like he'd be interested, but I can be wrong for sure. And then you say you don't wanna be in a haram relationship, I mean like all of this isn't exactly right, is it? Like I'm not even sure what is the point of all this, and if you wanna make it right then I guess you'd wanna ask him to marry you but from what you've said about your situation, I wouldn't exactly suggest or even advise that.

I'm sorry I am not entirely sure what you were expecting from me and my apologies that I can't really be of much help here.

#asks #anon asks #answered asks #DGanswers #fragments-of-my-mind #relationships #what even #I have no idea what's going here #advice #not even sure what I said makes sense let alone your situation #I was contemplating not answering just because I was super confused #sorry I can't be much help #man this was long

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eryiss · 4 years ago

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Event: LGBTQA+ Month hosted by @ft-wwtdp

Ship: Fraxus (Freed Justine x Laxus Dreyar)

Prompts: Questions, Acceptance, Loss, Growth, Beginnings

Verse: Modern AU

Alternate Places To Read: Fanfiction, Archive of our Own. Event master list here.

Here’s the third group of one shots for the LGBTQA+ event. This has allusions to anxiety and depression in the Growth prompt, but nothing that emotive. Hope you enjoy it.

Day Eleven – Questions (And an Answer)

"Why can't you just tell me?"

Mirajane was leaning forward, her milkshake pushed to the side as she glared at Freed across the table. She had an expression of determination on her features that would have made any normal man immediately want to crumble and give her whatever she wanted. Freed was not a normal man and looked back at her without care.

When she had invited him to their local diner to catch up, he should have guessed that it wasn't a polite invitation between friends. He hadn't established a link between her sudden and unexpected wish to see him in person and what he had done earlier in the day.

To think, changing his relationship status on Facebook would end up with him being interrogated.

"Why can't you just tell me his name? I probably don't even know him, so it wouldn't even matter."

"You'd look him up the second I was looking away," Freed replied, absently twisting the straw of his drink. "My relationship is private, I'm not even sure why I updated my profile. So, you can ask as many times as you'd like, I won't tell you about him."

"What if I make you a deal. You tell me his name and show me a picture, and I promise that I won't even think about looking him up," Mirajane bargained.

"No," Freed said, looking down at the empty basked of fries they were sharing.

Mirajane leant back, clearly thinking over a new way that she could extract the information that she so desperately wanted. Freed would wonder why she was so curious, but there was no point in it. Mirajane, though a delightful and caring person, would often involve herself in her friend's relationships to a point where it might have been invasive. She was harmless with it – assumedly she just wanted to share in the happiness of a new relationship – but it did get somewhat annoying when you were a victim to it.

Freed and Laxus weren't keeping their relationship a secret from their friends, exactly. Laxus wanted to tell his grandfather first; both that he was dating Freed, and that he wasn't as straight as he had previously thought. Makarov should know first.

That was what he was doing now, actually. Freed hoped it was going well.

"Wait," Mirajane said, slightly wistfully. "Is it someone we know? Do I know them?"

"No," Freed lied. "I'm still a little hungry. Could you get me some gravy fries?"

If he was going to be tortured with questions, he might as well get a meal out of it.

"It's okay if you don't want to tell me," Mirajane suddenly whimpered, ignoring Freed's request. Freed smirked at the quiver in her voice. "I understand that you want to keep it private. Its clear our friendship isn't as important as I had thought it was."

Then she started crying. Freed almost laughed.

"You're grossly underestimating how comfortable I am with everyone here thinking I've made you cry," Freed leant back, allowing Mirajane to continue. The tears stopped and were replaced with a glare.

"Fine," Mirajane sighed, standing up. "I'll get it out of you eventually."

"You won't."

Freed watched as Mirajane walked to the counter, most likely to get him the fries he wanted; the first step in negotiation was getting the person their choice of food, Freed supposed. Once she was talking to the sever, he pulled out his phone and looked at the notifications he'd gotten. He had texted Laxus that Mirajane had been railing him for more information, hoping to give the blonde something to laugh at to calm his nerves.

From Laxus (17:56): Good luck with her. She don't conform to the Geneva Convention.

From Laxus (18:10):

Just told him, he's crying.

From Laxus (18:11):

He's happy. Hugged me, said I should invite you to eat at his place. don't know how long itll be until I can leave, so see ya later.

With a smile, Freed sent a quick text saying that he should take his time with his grandfather, and that it was good that he was supportive of him. He also included a thanks for the advice on dealing with Mirajane.

He returned his phone back into his pocket just as Mirajane came back to the table with a basket of gravy fries and another milkshake. She seemed to have noticed that he had texted someone and paused just before she put the food on the table. Her eyes narrowed slightly as she got an understanding of what happened.

"You were texting him, weren't you?" She asked.

"I was," Freed smiled and nodded. "Imagine if you were here when I was. You could have taken my phone and seen his name and his picture. You could even see how we talk to each other," He taunted. "And you missed it by only a few seconds."

"I should pour this over your head," Mirajane mumbled as she sat down.

"But you won't. Because you know if you did that I'd keep my boyfriend hidden for the rest of our lives to spite you," Freed smiled.

"Well, if we're allowed to be spiteful, then I think that comment justifies another load of questions," Mirajane smiled, and it would have scared a lesser man. Freed ate a gravy covered fry, leant back in his chair and prepared himself.

He couldn't be sure exactly how long Mirajane continued her onslaught of questions, but he managed to stay strong throughout the experience. He refuted almost every question; and those he didn't he had told her incorrect answers to annoy her. She picked up on that fairly quickly, apparently it wasn't likely that Freed would be dating an elderly circus performer that he met in a woodworking convention hosted by decapitated corpse of an Egyptian Queen.

She kicked him under the table for the latter lie.

The evening had gotten darker now, and Freed had yet to feel his phone buzz in reply from Laxus. He had decided that he'd wait until he returned to leave; as annoying as the situation may be, Mirajane was good company. And he was getting used to the endless speaking from Mirajane. Which was why it was so obvious when she stopped.

"Isn't that…" Mirajane trailed off, frowning as she looked past Freed to the door.

He looked over his shoulder to see that Laxus had walked in, brushing snow off his shoulders. Freed frowned, Laxus hadn't texted him saying that he would be coming to the diner when he was done. He focused on that, looking towards Laxus as the blonde approached them with a gentle smile. It was good to see him smiling; the talk with Makarov had gone as well as the texts showed, then.

"She demon," Laxus said, nodding his head towards Mirajane in greeting. "Freed."

He leant down, cupped Freed's chin with both hands and brought their lips together. It was a slow kiss, short lived but passionate. Freed closed his eyes, enjoying the sensation greatly. Laxus pulled away with a grin.

"I'm gonna get some coffee, one second," Laxus smirked.

When Freed looked back at Mirajane, she was beaming.

~~~

Day Twelve – Acceptance (Of The Next Step)

The thought hit him suddenly, and knocked him off kilter.

Laxus was sitting in the apartment he shared with Freed, which he had only just moved into. He was alone, watching the TV absent minded as he waited for Freed to return from the take-out place with their dinner. He had been smiling, thinking back over his relationship with the man. His mind settled on his first kiss with his boyfriend, the electricity he felt and the burning passion that had been shared between them. It had been fantastic.

And then he realised that he would probably never have a first kiss again. It left him feeling a little bit weird.

He loved Freed, there was no doubt in his mind about that. When he thought about his future he envisioned Freed by his side, perhaps as his husband one day. He wasn't going to leave Freed, nor was he going to spiral or doubt his feelings for the man. This was the best relationship he had ever had, and he relished every second of it.

But once he realised he'd perhaps never kiss someone again, more realisations hit him. He'd never experience a first date with someone, never be struck by the feeling of love for the first time, never take someone to bed for the first time.

It made him feel a little… he didn't know.

He had never been anything near a player, but he had enjoyed dating. Being an attractive young man, he got peoples attentions often and it had been fun. Kissing someone, falling for someone, enjoying the throws of new passion. It had all been a light, fun experience. Then, with the few people he had gotten serious with, he'd gotten to know them. Gotten to love them, and that had been equally fun.

The fact that it might not happen again was a little odd. Like losing something that was always there.

What made it worse was how he didn't know what he felt. He truly did love Freed, wanted to spend the rest of his life with him. He wasn't going to cheat on the man, nor was he going to do anything else in relation to his feeling of loss. He was happy, deliriously so, with his relationship. But still, that feeling of missing something was there.

This had been the farthest he'd gotten in a relationship. Maybe he had commitment issues.

Should he talk to Freed about this? Would that help or make things worse?

Questions as to what he should do plagued his mind as he waited for Freed to return, and he tried to distract himself by focusing on the action movie he had put on in the background. It worked as a small distraction, and allowed him to push the small feeling of nervousness to the back of his mind. At least for a short while.

When Freed returned with their food, it only made Laxus feel more conflicted. Because the rush of feelings he felt when he saw Freed was still there, reaffirming how damn much he loved him. He adored this man, everything about him, and loved being with him.

So why did he feel like he was missing out on something?

Freed didn't notice his odd behaviour, instead walking to their kitchen counter and removing the food from the plastic bag. Laxus had gotten himself a burger with fries, whereas Freed had gotten a curry. It was why he'd taken so long, having gone to multiple take-out places. Laxus walked towards him, stomach growling.

"Sorry it took so long," Freed apologised. "There was a woman complaining at the Indian place in front of me. Quite obnoxious too."

"Don't worry," Laxus shrugged. He looked down as Freed unwrapped his food. One smell in particular got his attention. Garlic cheese and chili naan bread. "Fuck, thought they took that off the menu."

"Apparently it's back," Freed said, pulling out Laxus' burger. "D'you want some?"

"Er, yeah," Laxus nodded, watching as Freed ripped the bread in half. An amused smile formed on his face. "Thought you didn't share food. Thought if you order something, that's all you eat."

"I do say that," Freed nodded. "But that's mainly so Bickslow doesn't eat half of my food when we eat out," He chuckled. "Consider me sharing my food as a perk now you live with me."

It was a joke, said in a teasing tone, but it made Laxus feel so warm.

Every bit of lingering doubt that he had felt about not experiencing a new first in a relationship seemed to fizzle away. It was for the stupidest reason as well, but it somehow seemed to make sense. This was the first time that they would share take-out in their own shared home. And, as ridiculous as the feeling was, it made sense.

Laxus didn't miss experiencing new things with new people. He was scared of missing the sensation of discovering new things about a person.

He enjoyed the first kiss because everyone kissed differently, and he wanted to know how to make it good for them. He enjoyed first dates because, if going well, you'd discover a whole damn new person. He enjoyed taking people to bed for the first time because you got to explore someone intimately, finding out their fondness's and how they were with everything stripped back. He liked the early stages of dating because of how exciting it was to discover a person.

And suddenly, as absurd as it was, Laxus realised that he didn't know everything about Freed. He was now going to discover what it was like to know him as a roommate. He'd find out what he did when it was raining, and they were trapped inside. He'd find out how often he went grocery shopping. He'd find out small things about the man he loved.

"Although I should make it clear, this is something I want replicated," Freed continued, looking to Laxus with a smirk. "I am fully intending to steal a good amount of your fries."

"I think I can deal with that," Laxus grinned. "For a spoonful of chicken."

"Hm, you intend to bargain with me," Freed frowned. "You're aware that you've yet to pay your half, so I technically own all of this. I'm only giving it to you out of the goodness of my heart."

Thus, a playful debate began. And Laxus couldn't stop smiling, because playfully fighting over food with his boyfriend in their home for the first time was better than any first with anybody else.

~~~

Day Thirteen – Loss (For Words)

It was very rare that Freed was at a loss for words. This was one such time.

Finding him speechless was a difficult task. The man knew five languages – English, Japanese, German, Spanish and Arabic – and enjoyed showing off about it. Furthermore, he was rather a smartass when the mood struck him, and would quickly come up with a retort to anything said to him. He was quick-witted and smart, and it was almost impossible for him to be caught off guard to the point where he physically couldn't think of anything to say.

But Laxus had managed to do it, and all he'd done was shown up.

The two had been dating for half a year, but long distance. Freed lived in England and Laxus in America, and their meeting had been a chance occurrence when they had been vacationing in Mexico at the same time. They had gotten close during their two weeks together and were dating by the end of it.

They skyped often and had once met up in person when Freed's job had allowed him to come to New York. He was a university lecturer and had been invited to NYU as a visiting professor in philology. They had loved seeing each other there. That had been four months ago, and they hadn't seen each other in person since. Until now.

Now, Laxus was standing at the door of Freed's lecture hall, grinning.

Their next in person meeting was planned to be in a few months; they'd saved up to go away for a week together. And yet there he was, at the top of the staircase of the hall. Grinning, looking at Freed with a giddy amusement.

Freed, however, was still at a loss for words.

"Erm," He managed to say, eyes fixed on Laxus. Half of his students were looking at the man also. "I'm afraid to say we'll have to call it short today. I'll make it up next week, but it appears something has come up. You have my apologies."

The wait for his students to leave was agonisingly slow, and all Freed could think of was how much he wanted to walk to his boyfriend and kiss him. His grasp on being professional loosened with every second.

How damn long did it take to put away a laptop.

Eventually the students left, leaving Freed and Laxus alone in the large lecture hall. They both walked to each other in silence, moving instinctively as they wrapped their arms around each other and pulled the other into a kiss. It was slow, passionate and filled with almost four months of not touching each other. Freed melted into it, relaxing into his boyfriend and pushing against him to feel any amount of closeness to him.

"Why are you here?" Freed asked as the pulled apart, unwilling to fight off his smile.

"You don't want me here?" Laxus said with a grin, starting to pull away. "I can go back."

"Don't even consider it," Freed smirked, pulling Laxus against him. "Just answer my question."

"Well, my boss was pretty happy with me and I got a bonus for the end of the year," Laxus smiled. "Thought I might as well put it to good use."

"I'm glad you did," Freed smiled, resting his forehead against Laxus' with a soft expression on his face. "I didn't realise how much I've missed actually being with you."

Laxus pulled him into another kiss in response, wrapping his arms tight around the man's waist to pull him close. The feeling of having Laxus so close to him: to feel the smooth of his skin against his fingers and the rough texture of his coat against his torso. It felt so real, so perfect and incredible that Freed quickly found himself addicted again.

"How long are you here for?" He said, panting slightly as they pulled apart again.

"A week," Laxus said with a grin. "But, well, I actually need to talk to you about that."

"Why?" Freed frowned.

"Well, my boss got really happy with me performance and offered me a promotion," Laxus said, smiling a little proudly. Freed wished to kiss him for such a look. "And, well, the branch of the company I work at doesn't have an opening, but there's a few other places that do. Most of them are in America. But, well, there's one here."

It was perhaps a first. That Freed would be at a loss for words two times the same day.

Because the suggestion hit him instantly; Laxus had been offered a job that would have him move to London. It would mean that their relationship would no longer be long distance, and that they would be able to see each other in person almost whenever they wished. That they would be able to kiss each other whenever they wanted. The idea made Freed's stomach ache; he didn't realise how much he had wanted that until then.

"I know we need to talk about it," Laxus continued. "I'm not expecting ya to let me move in with you or anything, I'll get my own place. And I'm sure that there's a hundred other things we'll need to talk about before I make the decision, but the idea of being close to you. I fucking want that."

This time, it was Freed who instigated the kiss. He leant up and pressed their lips together softly, lacking the urgency of their previous kisses. Laxus was not only here for the week, but he could be moving here permanently very soon, so why rush?

"We can talk about that later," Freed promised. "But right now, I just want to enjoy the fact that you're here, in my arms."

"I ain't gonna argue with that," Laxus grinned, running his hand through Freed's hair as they pulled each other into a kiss.

Twice today Laxus had put him at a loss for words, and he loved the man for it.

~~~

Day Fourteen – Growth (And Support)

Laxus hadn't spoken since they had gotten in the car.

It was the kind of reaction that Freed had expected, but that didn't make it feel any better. The blonde was clearly wrapped up inside his own thoughts, and Freed understood why. He didn't say anything to his husband as they drove, knowing that any speaking would probably only serve to aggravate Laxus. Still, it was hard to watch him so nervous and not know how he could help him feel better.

Once they arrived at their destination, it was clear Laxus' nervousness was getting worse. His posture tensed, his shoulders hunched, and his gaze didn't leave the ground. Freed wished he could do anything to make him feel better, but he couldn't. All he could do was be there to support Laxus.

"Are you ready to go in?" Freed asked softly. Laxus nodded.

The room was familiar to Freed, a simple yet pleasant waiting room with many soft colours. It was purposefully designed to be nice and welcoming, but the effect didn't do anything to calm Laxus' anxiety. Freed placed a hand on the mans back and gently guided him to the front desk.

"Laxus Dreyar, for a three thirty appointment," Freed said.

"Of course," The receptionist smiled. "Take a seat."

It had been Freed's suggestion that Laxus see a therapist. The blonde had an incredibly troubled, and potentially traumatic relationship with his father, but had always been closed off about it. Freed had often tried to help him whenever he could but lacked any professional ability. Anything he could do was guesswork, and its effectiveness varied.

Recently, it had become worse. Laxus confessed that his father had been in jail, but was soon to be released, and it was clearly affecting the man. Freed had done whatever he could, but it wasn't enough. That was when the suggestion of therapy had been made.

Laxus hadn't initially agreed with the idea. It had taken both Freed and Makarov quite some time to convince Laxus to attempt it. He had fought back harshly, claiming that he didn't need it because his father had no influence on him anymore. Both knew it was a lie but didn't say anything, instead attempting to convince him that it would be good even without his father being included. Eventually Freed had confessed that, as a teenager, he also had been to regular therapy sessions and it had helped him greatly.

So now they were here, in the same therapist's office that Freed had frequented as a teenager. It felt a little strange to be back, this was the building where Freed had allowed himself to be most vulnerable. He didn't say this, though, as Laxus was his priority.

"Is it always gonna feel this…" Laxus spoke up, thinking of a word. "Intimidating."

"It didn't for me," Freed patted his knee. "It took about a month, but eventually I got used to it. It was something I did, and it became normal."

"What if it doesn't?" Laxus muttered.

"Then, for whatever reason, it's not working. Maybe the therapist isn't a good fit for you, maybe the environment is wrong. And if that happens, we'll talk about what we can do next," Freed promised. "But that isn't something you need to worry about today. All you're doing is meeting someone and talking to them."

"You said it's the same guy you had, right?" Laxus asked, and Freed nodded. "What's he like?"

"Nice," Freed thought. "He's not… you might have an idea of a therapist in mind. Someone stone faced with a notepad they won't let you see. He's not that. He'll engage in conversation, treat you like a person. And as you get closer to him, it's just like he's a friend."

"Doubt it," Laxus laughed cynically.

"Well, maybe not a friend exactly," Freed amended. "But it won't be as difficult to talk to him as you'd think. He's not a judge, he's simply there to help you through what you're thinking. And, most importantly, he's on your side."

Laxus didn't say anything, and Freed frowned.

"Once, he called me a dumbass dickhole," Freed commented, which got Laxus' attention.

"What?" Laxus asked, and a small hint of a laugh entered his voice.

"One of the issues I was trying to get past was secluding myself socially. I over-corrected and, that particular week, I went out with people every night. I overwhelmed myself and didn't have any enthusiasm to meet with people for weeks. When I told him all of this, he called me a dumbass dickhole," Freed chuckled. "I think he was trying to make me laugh."

"Why?"

"Because," Freed paused. He should be honest. "They'll be times when this is exhausting, and you'll get defensive. Certain times it'll feel like you're being scolded, and you'll be angry. And sometimes you'll need to be reminded that he's there for you. That was his way of telling me that while also letting me know how stupid I was being."

"Did he really help you?" Laxus asked, and perhaps optimism snuck into his voice.

"He truly did," Freed promised. "And hopefully he can do the same for you, but if he can't then we'll work something else out. But you need to engage with him as much as you can, okay?"

"Okay," Laxus nodded.

He was looking down at the floor again, and Freed placed a hand on the man's back comfortingly. It was clear that Laxus' nervousness wasn't going to simply disappear, and that it would be hard for him to remain calm and composed throughout the session, but now at least it seemed like he was willing to try it without being completely closed off.

When the receptionist called Laxus' name, he took a breath, stood up and walked towards the session room. Freed watched him with a soft smile on his face; this would be difficult for him, but it was a step forward. That was all Freed could ask.

~~~

Day Fifteen – Beginnings (And Further)

It hadn't been planned this way. If it had, Laxus probably would have spent days stressing about it happening, and perhaps would have talked himself out of doing it. This was a first for him – after all – and if it had been arranged before-hand Laxus would have inevitably worked himself into a mess panicking about everything that could have gone wrong. But, actually, this was all going rather well. It was actually quite nice.

"So, my boy, how did the two of you meet?" Makarov asked, smiling.

Laxus and never introduced a partner to his grandfather before. He had never really gotten that far with someone to the point where he wanted to make them a permanent fixture in his life, let alone the lives of his family and friends. His relationships had always been trapped at the beginning.

But Freed was different. The blonde couldn't explain why he felt like Freed was unique, exactly, he just knew in his gut that he was. Previously, he had been excited to see his partners and wanted to spend time with them, of course, but never in the way he did with Freed. He didn't just look forward to the time together as an idea, he looked forward to what they would do. Be that taking an overly competitive turn around an arcade, or walking to a take-out place together.

He wasn't in love with the concept of a partner. He was in love with the reality of Freed.

As Freed told the story of how they had met, Laxus stood up and went to the counter to get himself some coffee. He glanced back to see Makarov laughing as Freed spoke, and his boyfriend was smiling as he went on. Laxus smiled.

The couple had seen Makarov walking down the street by happenstance; the old man claimed he'd gotten his hair cut, but Laxus had seen him leave the chocolate shop that he wasn't meant to be entering because of a diet he was on. Rather than calling him out on that – which he was going to do eventually – a sudden urge hit the blonde.

He wanted to introduce Freed to him. That had never happened before.

And then he had. He asked Freed, who agreed, and a moment later they were talking. And it was really good. Laxus had always expected showing a partner off to his grandfather would be a hellish experience, filled with both embarrassment and worry that the old man might say something that would make him look bad. But this was fine; nice, actually. Maybe he shouldn't have put off doing this with his other partners.

Or maybe the fact it was Freed made a difference.

When the blonde brought the drinks to the table, Makarov groaned. Laxus had gotten himself a cappuccino, Freed a flat white with a scone, and Makarov an orange juice. The old man wasn't happy with what his grandson had gotten him, having ordered a hot chocolate.

"Stop pouting," Laxus condemned. "Your doctor said you need to worry about cholesterol."

"I'm over eighty years old, Brat, I can look after myself," Makarov went to pick up Laxus' coffee, but the blonde beat him to it. "Good luck with him, Freed. You've signed yourself up for a lifetime of this."

Laxus paused, eyes slowly hovering over to Freed. He knew he was in love with Freed, but their future hadn't truly been something that they had discussed. He didn't know how committed Freed was to the relationship, and Makarov bringing the topic up might be somewhat premature. Laxus didn't dare say anything, as he didn't want to risk… anything really.

"I'm sure I can make my peace with that," Freed said smoothly. "It's rather nice to be privy to that side of him."

"Be privy?" Laxus snorted. "You in your eighties as well?"

"Don't take any talk like that from him," Makarov said with a grin as Freed chuckled. "If you don't hit him, I will."

"I'm sure that won't be necessary," Freed smiled, patting Laxus' leg. "I expect that reminding him that he has a pair of shoes specifically for driving would make all the age-based comments stop. Otherwise you'd be a hypocrite, wouldn't you?"

"Asshole," Laxus chuckled, shaking his head.

"You have driving shoes?" Makarov cackled. "Even I don't have driving shoes. You don't have the gloves as well?"

That was how the rest of their time at the coffee shop went, with Freed and Makarov getting to know each other, occasionally making jokes at Laxus' expense. The blonde took them in good faith, seeing at it was a way the two were bonding with each other. Although he did make a note that, if he was going to invite Freed to his grandfather's house at some point, he would make sure to get there first and hide away anything that could be used to embarrass him. The photo-albums would be the first to go.

As they left, Makarov asked for a moment to speak to Laxus alone. Freed complied and walked to the car, leaving the two Dreyar's alone. Nerves filled Laxus as he waited for him to speak; his grandfather might have been pretending to like Freed.

"He'll be good for you," Makarov said, smiling. "And I like him, so you better not mess it up for yourself. I don't think you could do much better than that."

"Thanks," Laxus laughed, relaxing now. "I'm glad that you like him though. Cause I really think this might be something… I don't know. I just feel different with him."

"I've noticed. You look at him with these big eyes, had to hold my tongue about it because it was damn funny," Makarov grinned. "But he looks at you the same way. Don't be embarrassed."

"You think so?"

"Of course," Makarov smiled. "Keep him, Laxus."

"I will." Laxus promised.

The blonde smiled as he walked away. This was better than a relationship beginning; he loved it.

#ftlgbtpride2020 #fraxus #freed justine #Laxus Dreyar #freed x laxus #fanfic #fairy tail #writing #one shot #event

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purplellamanator · 5 years ago

Note

first, u should know that u are an amazing writer 😎 second, could u do numba 1 for fantasy au prompts cuz im dying to know what itll be like 😉 graciaas ~

Gods~ Person A is a powerful deity and to appease them, Person B is sacrificed or given as an offering

Hey so I'm sorry! You didn't specify for which pairing and I noticed someone asked for this one with ShinRan already so I did it for KaiAo. I hope that's okay and that you enjoy! 💜 Thank you for the nice compliment though! Thank you for liking my writing enough to send me a request! i’m sorry for any grammar mistakes! It’s kind of late here and I’ve been working on this for a while! So some things likely escaped my proof read! That and this idea got way out of hand and may be a bit ridiculous! Hope it gives some kind of humor though!

oOo

"Wait- you guys can't be serious!" She knew it was pointless to even say that. She knew how serious they were. Just one glance at their expressions had her backing away as far as possible until she eventually ran into the wall.

Aoko had officially cornered herself.

The village chief tried to step forward only to jump back when she suddenly swung her mop out defensively. He gave a slight frown before he quickly tried to hide his aggravation. "You should be proud, Aoko-san. Your sacrifice will bring peace to our village."

The young woman had to hold back her sneer. She wanted to bite back that it wasn't her duty to bring anything to the village. He was the chief of their people. If anything it should be him that was practically being served on a plate. Of course being smarter than that, she knew it would not bode well if she even suggested that. Instead, her blues eyes flit around all the villagers that were slowly closing in on her.

Her brows furrowed. "Where's my father?" Expression becoming more panicked, she desperately looked all around. But he was not there and a new fear settled in her stomach.

Without even blinking at her question, he said, "He is making the preparations." His words were as calm as can be, as if what he said was the most normal thing. A father preparing his own daughter's sacrifice.

Aoko was not so easy to trick. Her eyes narrowed sharply and that sneer she had been attempting to hide finally surfaced. "You're lying."

There was no way her father would ever agree to this. After her mother died, he had no one else but her in his life after all. Which left two other options. Her father was not aware of what was happening or, he was being forced against his will to cooperate.

"What did you do to him?" she bit out furiously.

The chief shrugged his shoulders as if what he were about to say wasn't all that important. It made Aoko want to slap that smugness right off his face.

"He'll come to understand why this was a necessity."

That told the girl all she needed to know. Her father did know what was happening. He just couldn't do anything to stop it. Likely they knew it would be smarter to get him out of the way first. It made her temper that had only been simmering before, finally boil over. Anger getting the best of her, she charged forward toward the chief, mopped bared in front of her threateningly prepared to swing.

She barely made it a few steps before she was getting grabbed from behind. Aoko struggled. She did with all her might. In the end, the outcome was what she knew would happen.

Arms bound behind her back, she was led to the offering plate- or the woods was more like it. The villagers were cowards and didn't want the sacrifice happening anywhere within their borders. The plan was likely to have her sit out there willingly. When that obviously wasn't an option, they attempted to bind her to a tree. When she wouldn't stop yelling, she was gagged. When she wouldn't stop kicking, she was knocked unconscious.

Fighting and legs kicking out was how she awoke. Still stuck on trying to get away, it took her a moment to realize that no one was even there anymore. It was just her there. It was dark- pitch black. Some of the moon's rays were attempting to peek out but due to the amount of cover the trees surrounding her provided, it hardly helped. Obviously quite some time had already passed since she was initially brought out here. The sun had only just begun to set when the chief had ambushed her at her home.

Aoko felt tears brimming her eyes. She'd argue they were tears of frustration more than anything. It would seem that in her unconscious state they had successfully bound her to the tree firmly. When she at least attempted to wiggle out of them, that was when she realized her initial bindings holding her wrists together were still tied firmly as well.

So it was hopeless. After finally taking notice of the lantern they left beside her, she couldn't help but be mocking. At least they left her a damn nightlight.

Tears finally sliding down her cheeks, she screamed as loud as she could. At this point it wasn't even to get help. The yell was just to let out something- anything. But it would seem even that was not satisfying. The gag that was still wrapped tightly around her face muffled any kind of yell she attempted.

Stubbornly, she did it anyway. And again. And another time after that. Aoko screamed until she was thoroughly worn and struggling to breath around the gag; her chest heaving as she finally sagged back against the tree.

Like she already knew, no one came to her rescue. She doubted anyone even heard her. If they did, she would've been ignored anyway. In her struggle, she hadn't thought to pay attention to how far they dragged her out here. All she had done was throw punches and kicked blindly. For all she knew she could be just on the outskirts of the village.

And that thought was good enough for her.

Aoko went to start screaming again. Even if no one would come help her, just the thought of keeping those idiots up would bring some amount of joy to her. Just as she was preparing to let loose however, something . . . changed.

Foolishly, she hadn't been paying attention so she had no way of knowing if this change just started or if it had already done so during her earlier fit. But the moment she went to start yelling again, the flame in the lantern that had been left for her, blew out harshly. It had been quite breezy when she was first woken up but finally taking a second to just sit and breathe, she realized for the first time that all of that was gone.

The wind was no longer blowing. The noises that had been from the shuttering of leaves was gone. It was all dead silent.

Aoko's breathing suddenly picked up harshly. It was still difficult to see, even more so now that her lantern was currently useless. Eyes squinting hard, she stared intently into the darkness before her.

Then she heard the footsteps. They were not necessarily heavy but in this dead quiet, sounded thunderous.

For the first time in all of this, she finally remembered the one glaring detail she should've acknowledged from the beginning.

The God. She was a sacrifice after all and yet was dumb enough to forget that.

Heart jumping into her throat, she suddenly began wiggling in her bindings again. She kept pulling and straining against them. At this point she was pretty sure all she was doing was tightening them, but she was desperate now and did not care. Actions spurred on by a new fear, she kept struggling even as the rope began to give her burns. Adrenaline picking up along with her pulse, the fact her eyes were becoming extremely blurry from tears was making this situation even more terrifying. That and though she was pretty sure it was all in her head, it sounded like the steps were picking up their pace. When it finally sounded like they were right on top of her, she gave a panicked scream- that was still muffled by her gag, and tried to bury her face in her lap as best she could. Which was impossible considering how she was tied up but she clenched her eyes shut tight and that would have to be enough. Aoko braced herself for whatever would come next. Being a sacrifice, she assumed the worst and knew she was trembling in fear.

"What the hell are you doing?"

Unsure if she was hearing correctly and still freaked out of her mind, Aoko didn't move and kept her head bowed. She didn't want to see the terrifying face of her attacker. But then she heard it. A voice. A human voice. Out of all the noises a God could make, she had not been expecting that and her eyes shot open before she was carefully angling her gaze upwards. She was no longer crying but the tears that still remained she could feel were sliding down her cheeks slowly.

It was a boy. Well- not a boy per say. He looked to be about her age and if she hadn't be chosen as the offering she would've been turning 18 this year. The point was, he was a human. Aoko of course heard stories of how Gods liked to disguise themselves as humans but this was just. . . too plain.

Aoko mostly said nothing because of her shock but he likely assumed it was due to her gag. Crouching so that he was at eye level with her, he leaned forward and pulled the gag from her mouth tossing it uncaringly behind him. When his expectant eyes turned back to her, she was still staring at him in disbelief.

"That's it."

Briefly, she wanted to take those words back and smack herself. She couldn't help it though. This was the God that demanded a sacrifice. This was the God that had the village elders scrambling about in fear. He was just a human; flesh and bone just like her.

This had to be a joke.

The guy jerked back, affronted. "W-what?"

And apparently he was stupid and hard of hearing.

"I mean, that's it? No opening a portal from Hell or flying down from a chariot? Just a gust of wind? And then you'll stand in the woods to watch like a weirdo." Aoko crinkled her nose up in disgust as she eyed him up and down. He was pretty gangly.

She could take him.

The guy's mouth fell open, baffled as he struggled to find the words. Finally he said, "I'm the weirdo?" before he was pointing a finger at her accusingly. "Says the one tied to a stupid tree! What are you even doing out here anyway?"

Thinking she was about to come face to face with an all powerful God and to have those expectations sort of fall flat, Aoko felt all her fear wash away. She was sure her face was still splotchy from her panic crying from earlier but she felt fine now. Besides the stranger's stature, he didn't seem the least bit frightening. His tone wasn't threatening in the least. If anything, he looked concerned.

"Apparently being a sacrificial lamb," she answered in response to his question and his brows about raised into his hairline. If she thought he looked concerned before, his expression now was just humorous. And suddenly he was kneeling behind her undoing her bindings. When the rope slackened around her chest and she raised her still bound wrists expectantly now, the man's face was even more incredulous.

"Whoever put you here really didn't want you getting away," he said probably mostly to himself as an observation.

All it did was make Aoko roll her eyes. "Well you should know. It's your fault I'm out here anyway!" she shouted accusingly.

"Hey!" he said backing up quickly so she couldn't hit him. "I don't even know who the hell you are!"

Blue eyes narrowing she went to punch him in his face. "I'm the 'sacrifice' that you demanded." Seeing her fist coming however, he simply ducked under it before her words finally hit him and his eyes went big again.

"Huh?"

Then her fist hit him. In the stomach specifically. It was likely a low blow to hit him when he was distracted by arguably, this entire situation was his fault. Aoko wouldn't of been tied to a tree by a bunch of nut jobs if this equally as insane idiot hadn't demanded it.

The force of her hit had knocked him to the ground on his back. If she hadn't caught him off guard it probably wouldn't of even hurt but seeing her opening, she hurriedly straddled him, forcing him to remain on the ground with her weight.

He still seemed to be stuck in the confusion of her accusation but she wasn't taking any chances and quickly gripped his wrists pressing them into the dirt roughly. "Don't play games with me! You're telling me you didn't send out that calling card?" she asked daring him to lie to her. Being a villager herself she had also been called to the gathering when the card was first discovered. She had seen it with her own two eyes so there was no way he could argue there hadn't been one.

Fighting back looked like it was the last thing on his mind and his head rose of the ground slightly so he could get in her face and yell back. "I did send out a calling card but not this!"

Since he wasn't fighting, she removed one of her hands to stick her finger harshly in his face. "You asked for me to be sacrificed!"

The accusation had him sitting up straight and almost sent her sprawling. "Whoa, whoa, whoa," he said putting his hands up in front of him defensively. "I never asked for a sacrifice!" He seemed incredulous that she would even accuse him of doing that.

Jabbing finger falling short, her rant and thoughts successfully cut off, she could only stutter awkwardly. "Y-you . . . You never asked for an offering. . ?" Suddenly she was feeling meek. Who had she just attacked? Was this some innocent stranger that saw her tied to a tree and decided to help. . ? . . And she attacked him. . . But that couldn't be! He said it was his calling card after all! "You're lying!" she said angrily.

Releasing an annoyed huff, he shook his head. "I asked for the Blue Sapphire. Not some. . . silly girl!"

Now Aoko was the one confused.

"I am the blue sapphire," she reiterated with irritation. It was stupid and not anything that she wanted to be associated with but being one of the only eligible women left in her village, she had quickly been dubbed that. There town was a poor one and she was quickly entered into an arranged marriage that could bring her village at least some good fortune. That too had of course been against her will but only at first. When she met the suitor she wasn't all that disappointed. It could've been worse. It could've been to a man that was double her age. But Hakuba was was nice enough and actually seemed quite fond of her. He loved complimenting the blue hue of her eyes and that made her feel pretty and special . . and her father actually approved, so finally she agreed. And Hakuba being as wealthy as he was promised to pay the village heftily once he was given his blue gem. Hence why she was dubbed their Blue Sapphire. A nickname that was started by her fiance but seemed to stick when it became clear she held the same value price wise for her home. And she gave this stranger a form of that explanation, albeit while looking at him as if he were the densest being she had ever met.

Taking in what she told him, he sat frozen for a moment. His mouth was slightly agape and his eyes large. And then suddenly she was being tossed from his lap roughly as he shot to his feet. "What?"

Rubbing her bottom tenderly from where she just landed on the ground she scowled at him. "I'm the Blue Sapphire," she repeated though she was sure he didn't need her to repeat it.

The man's already panicked features seemed to turn pale. "S-so you're saying there is no actual gem?"

Aoko couldn't help it. She laughed. And it wasn't just a giggle either. It was a full on belly shaking laugh that had heard attempting to hold back tears. "You actually thought there was some precious gem?" she attempted to ask between breaths. She knew she shouldn't of been finding it that funny but the stupidity of it all was just . . . hilarious. Her village was dirt poor. They barely could make ends meet. And he thought they were hoarding some precious gem worth millions?

Letting her have her moment, he continued to glare at her furiously. "Yes, I actually thought there was some precious gem. In what reality are you a rare Blue Sapphire?"

She abruptly cut off her chortles to give an offended, "Hey!" but he didn't care and plowed on.

"I wasted all this time and planning for a girl." At this point she was sure he was just yelling at himself but that of course would not stop her from jumping in.

"Well, serves you right," she snorted while crossing her arms and turning her nose up. "That's what you get for pretending to be a God and 'demanding' offerings."

Since she wasn't outwardly looking at him, Aoko completely missed the way his entire frame stiffened. It was only when she heard him turn around that she saw how tense her statement had made him.

And to her bafflement, he started laughing.

At first she was confused but when he was beginning to remind her of herself from earlier in the way it appeared he wouldn't be stopping anytime soon, she stamped her foot with a huff. "What? What is it now?"

"Who said I was pretending?" The stare he sent her she was sure was supposed to be intimidating. All it did was make her snort.

"Oh please," she scoffed. "Just look at your clothes."

Really offended he took a second to look at his own apparel. "My clothes? What's wrong with what I'm wearing?" his pitch raising with his question.

"You're wearing breeches that look like you've stripped them off some beggar and your tunic might as well just be a giant stain," she rolled her eyes. Please- a God. She almost snorted again. No God would ever be caught walking around in-

Suddenly a loud crackling noise ripped through the air. It was so loud and when sparks seemed to erupt every where, she jumped startled behind the stranger. Thinking it was the real God, she gripped the man's arm tightly as if he would be her shield. Too distracted by what looked to be a swirling mirror before her, she completed missed how the stranger looked down with an annoyed frown where she was currently grabbing him.

Nothing happened though. No God appeared- nothing. Amazed more than anything now, Aoko slowly stepped around the stranger to get a better look. The sparks that had scared her only moments before did nothing but swirl around the objects borders, which seemed to be a giant oval. And in the middle which she had compared to a mirror, seemed to be anything but solid. It was shimmering and and as she drew closer it moved. . . like water?

She wanted to touch it. Swallowing hard she reached out a finger and went to touch the center. But her finger fell through! Experimentally she pulled her finger back before pushing it back in again but this time her whole hand. It wasn't water at all! "What is this?" she breathed in awe.

"I believe you called it a portal to Hell."

With a small shriek she quickly pulled her hand back and held the limb close to her chest. Not long after the stranger was walking up beside her while chortling. "I said that's what you called it," he clarified and she gave him a frosty glare. All it did was make his lips twitch upward again. "Sorry there's no chariot though." And then he winked.

He was making fun of her. Still amazed by what was happening though, she didn't care to grace it with a proper response. Instead she took notice of how he was bracing one hand on the border to what she now knew was a portal- an entryway of sorts.

"You're leaving?" Aoko didn't really sound disappointed. She hardly knew him. But she couldn't argue that this wasn't the most bizarrely interesting day of her entire existence.

The man shrugged. "I was never going to stay here long. I was only going to respond to the calling card, accept my offering, and then leave," he said while pointing a thumb over his shoulder into the portal.

"Oh . . . " Aoko looked at her hands and was reminded of the bindings she once had tied around them. They were burning and had been rubbed raw from her straining which reminded her that she owed him something. "Thank you for helping me."

Still leaning against the portal, he gave her a nod but also a very bland look. "You're welcome and all but are you ready to go now or. . . ?" His question had completely thrown her and her eyes had widened impossibly. He wasn't paying her any mind though and looking at where the moon was in the sky. "Not that this hasn't been one of the strangest calling cards I've answered to but I kind of gotta' be somewhere."

"Wait- what?" Against her will she took a step back defensively.

The stranger- no, God, sighed heavily as if she were exhausting him. "We have to go, like now," he said with annoyance. "I'm a night deity for a reason."

"I thought you said you were looking for gems!"

"Well, I mean you're my offering so it would be rude for me not to take it," he reasoned as if that made total sense. As if him sparing her life would be the greatest offense.

Suddenly she was beginning to panic again and her heart was starting to race. "B-but- but I don't have any value to you!" she argued back desperately. "I'm useless!"

Head falling back in exhaustion, the man let out another aggravated groan before picking his head up. "Listen uh . . Blue Sapphi-"

"It's Aoko!" she stamped her foot angrily.

"Aoko," he corrected himself. "The person that I have to meet with is a bit of an asshole and that same exact asshole is waiting for me like now," he reaffirmed while seeing how much the moon had lowered.

When he just looked at her expectantly after that she could only do the same back while her eyes were flitting to the side for an escape. Which apparently he noticed cause he straightened. "You're not going to come quietly are you?"

In response, she ran.

#dcmk #kaiao #kaito kuroba #aoko nakamouri #fanfic #dcmk fanfic #fanfiction #drabble #request #ask

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eloquent-music · 5 years ago

Text

THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE: MUN & MUSE

Fill out & Repost ♥ This meme definitely favors Canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore and Lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multimuses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

Tagged by: @polyhexianchicken

Tagging: anyone who wants to do it!! Just go ahead and say I tagged you

> Putting under a read more bc of the length <

MY MUSE IS. canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless

* is your character popular in the fandom? YES/NO

* is your character considered hot™ in the fandom? YES (from what i see from a lot of people in the fandom including myself)/ NO / IDK.

* is your character considered strong in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK.

* are they underrated? YES ( I believe there’s more depth to him that some don’t see) / NO.

* were they relevant to the main story? YES (Sorta?) / NO.

* were they relevant to the main character? YES (Kinda sorta esp to Megatron) / NO

* are they widely known in their world? YES / NO.

* how’s their reputation? GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL.

HOW STRICTLY DO YOU FOLLOW CANON?

I try my best to follow canon as best as possible. I do put in my own twists here and there. I have added things into his character have been shared later on through Tweets on Twitter from Jro and Milne. I take their portrayals and incorporate them into my Tarn. For example, Milne said that Tarn was Pharma’s new lover and they had a special relationship and since I’m weak for that pairing I really wanted to incorporate that in. Also Red doesn’t help we both feed into each other ilu <3 ALL IN ALL though, I do like to keep him canon and not too much off character to where he isn’t Tarn anymore. I want him to be Tarn not someone else

SELL YOUR MUSE! (aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutual.)

I could sell Tarn for hours and a few friends know this very personally. IM SORRY. ANYWAYS. Some may find what I love about Tarn to not what they like but it’s my opinion on him! So here goes.

I love his damaged nature (I’m sorry Tarn muse). I find his addictions interesting, even though they weren’t technically shown in the issues. It’s part of who he is from who he used to be (however they came about). I will always love his flaws and I enjoy showing those sides of him so be aware that I will show his addictive personality (through Transformation, Nuke abuse, and murderous tendencies).

Which brings me to... His murderous/torturous nature. We see killers a dime a dozen in the series but to be a leader of a torturous group? Like that’s pretty rad and completely different from a lot of other characters. Can you tell I like the baddies? sdifhoisdf This brings up this ONE side of him. He doesn’t like killing / taking part in the demises of SOME of their victims. Why? I think I may know the answer to that. Why does a mech like him want to advert his gaze while the others have their way with them. Talk about something deep we never got to understand that.

He has a soft spot for musical pieces, especially classical piano music. I love Chopin the most, so you’ll see me post that all the time!

He apparently loves pineapples and just I LOVE THAT SO MUCH UHG.

He’s a big tank with Daddy (Megatron) Issues! You gotta love it LOL He’s got biolights literally everywhere. FLASHY

When he’s only around his team, he can be a little bit more calm even though he can drop it at the drop of a dime.

He’s a touch starved mech odifhsodif

NOW THE OPPOSITE! (list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?)

Even though I kinda sold him on this I thought I should mention it here too. I don’t think people find him interesting for how dark he is as a mech. Push aside everything and look at how purely evil he can be. He’s cruel. He’s torturous and very sadistic. He will thrive off of every little bit of pain you give him. He can be manipulative at times.

Tarn is a huge hypocrite. It shows so much throughout the comic issues if you really look at it. I show it a lot (he will deny it sometimes but don’t worry I know he’s one) Probably one of the biggest hypocrites in the whole 2005 IDW Series.

Tarn is easily-influenced and persuaded by certain situations (to not look weak) and mechs.

He is very easily angered from the smallest things.

He holds onto grudges

WHAT INSPIRED YOU TO RP YOUR MUSE?

I know I’ve been asked this before and when I’m asked again I forget the GOOD reasons why I was so inspired to write him so I hope i do okay this time around. Even though I know I will leave out the good shit. Idk why I just dont draft on what truly inspired me. Just watch, itll come a day later and I’ll add it in just wait and see

I started rp’ing him on here as soon as he debuted in the MTMTE series (i think it was back in 2013 or 2012?) I did kind of poof for a few years due to being so busy sdiufhs. Anyways, I fell instantly in love with his character. I loved his dark ways and how he was so drastically different of a villain. His musical tendencies. And how he could offline a mech with ONLY his voice? Like damn sing to me all day you Musical Angel. He is dark and mysterious. NOT TO MENTION, black and purple my favorite colors.

His design was flawless and MTMTE #7 sold me on who he was and from then on I just couldn’t stop loving this murderous tank. I love how Jro and Milne have come out later on to answer more questions about him and just I love him that much more. Looking back years later on it, I see a little bit of myself in him.

WHAT KEEPS YOUR INSPIRATION

He’s pretty easy to flow out honestly. Just like my other muse I have. If he does struggle some, I just pop on some Chopin and he’s good to go. What really does keep me going more than anything is continuously exploring who he is as a mech and as a Decepticon. I want to know so much about him literally everything. Even though I could write headcanons all day and drabbles too, I love making him interact with others to find that personality. It’s really just my never-ending curiosity for him.

SOME MORE PERSONAL QUESTIONS FOR THE MUN.

* do you think you give your character justice? YES / NO. ( i hope I do! )

* do you frequently write headcanons? YES / NO.

* do you sometimes write drabbles? YES / NO. ( i love writing drabbles!!!)

* do you think a lot about your muse during the day? YES / NO.

* are you confident in your portrayal? YES / NO.

* are you confident in your writing? YES / NO. (Most of the time, I know sometimes I mess up and its honestly just me not seeing it for whatever reason. Im so sorry if my replies come through scattered sidfhfs)

* are you a sensitive person? YES / NO. (Not really at all. I don’t get offended or anything but certain things can bug me)

DO YOU ACCEPT CRITICISM WELL ABOUT YOUR PORTRAYAL?

Only if its constructive criticism. I love it when friends bounce ideas or talk to me about him. I will take into consideration of changing him slightly from only my close friends and that’s because we’re close. I will not change my character for anyone because they don’t like how I portray him because he is my portrayal of him, not yours.

DO YOU LIKE QUESTIONS, WHICH HELP YOU EXPLORE YOUR CHARACTER?

I love all the questions you all send him, either on anon or not. Even the most awful ones! Tarn may not like them but most I find absolutely hilarious. I think the more personal questions really help for exploring who he is or if I post drabble prompts, go ahead and send me one! Even if I dont send in one and you wanna know more about him I will try my best to respond to it.

IF SOMEONE DISAGREES TO A HEADCANON OF YOURS, DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY?

This is a hit or miss question. I don’t really want to exactly know why unless if I ask you personally on it (which is usually just between close friends because sometimes I just aint thinkin straight). I don’t mind bouncing off ideas but ishdfoisdfh i really truly don’t know the answer to this one

IF SOMEONE REALLY HATES YOUR CHARACTER, HOW DO YOU TAKE IT?

I honestly don’t care. People won’t like every character out there and that’s just part of being human. I understand why people would hate his character in the series in all honesty. But I love him for all his flaws.

I don’t blame people for hating Tarn but I do not want hate sent to me. That is unacceptable and not okay. You don’t have to like my portrayal but please don’t shove it at me that’s just uncalled for. If your character hates him that’s totally different but don’t come attacking me for any reason.

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE EASY GOING AS A MUN?

I think I am. I’m usually fairly quiet. But once you get to know me, I am kinda strong on the goofy/funny side and a bit blunt/straight-forward sdoifhodsf. I tend to be really easy going and laid back. My personality has drastically changed since I’ve gotten into my mid-20s. I don’t like drama and dont wanna be apart of it.

#{Mun and Muse}

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xuteline-blog · 5 years ago

Text

I want you to love me now

read on ao3!

Word Count: 3,489

Pairing: Seonghwa/Hongjoong

Tags: Alternate Universe - College/University, Feelings Realization, Past Relationship(s), Getting Back Together, Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Chatting & Messaging, seonghwa jus wants to be held..., and thats exactly what hongjoong will do!!, Kissing, Angst with a Happy Ending, Happy Ending, Not Beta Read

Description:

Seonghwa didn't know who he had expected to be there at Yunho's movie night marathon. All he was told by Yeosang was that he had invited a couple friends over. He had never thought he'd find himself reunited with the very person that taught him what love really was, and to have a chance at it again.

Seonghwa knew what love was. He knew about it before he was even in preschool.

His mother and father, holding hands as they stared into each other's eyes, whispering confessions before giving a peck on the lips to eachother, waving goodbye as one of them left.

His mother and fathers thumbs caressing eachothers hands, sitting on the couch as his fathers arms enveloped his mothers frame, both content, both warm.

His mother and father, in love.

He saw it every day. He knew what love was.

He was told in class once that being in love would be when hes most happiest. He was told in class once that being in love was what everyone wanted. He was told in class once that being in love felt like you were a firework, about to be ignited, and when you saw the person you loved, you would light up, and felt like as if your body was on fire.

He was told about it every day. He knew what love was.

It wasn't until Seonghwa reached his senior years in high school that he contemplated love. Looking back, he had never really felt what people told him love felt like. He had had his fair shares of relationships, and by the way he felt absolutely downtrodden after his breakup with a guy in his class two years ago, he really had thought he had been in love. But maybe... it was just infatuation? Maybe an oblivious case of puppy love.

He remembered the day clearly.

It was stormy, the rain pouring down as Seonghwa looked out the window of the library. He had came here to study, as his last exam was coming up and he couldnt afford to fail. His scholarship depended on it.

He sat alone at a table, the librarian allowing him to keep his hot chocolate as his books and papers laid in front of him, his small makeshift study desk unorganised and messy.

He watched as the rain droplets danced around each other, how they stepped close before stepping back before colliding together, catching eachother and finishing their dance at the bottom of the window pane.

What a weird metaphor, he thought. Rain droplets, two lovers dancing around each other and away, too scared to cross paths before giving their all to their other.

He had never felt such a way.

A hand slammed on his desk, tearing him away from his thoughts. He looked up at the culprit, his wide eyes furrowing as he took in who had scared him.

"Hongjoong," He stopped twirling his pen between his fingers, holding it steady as its tip nearly touched paper. "What do you need?"

"I just wanted to check on you!" Hongjoong smiled, and Seonghwa felt warmth blossom in his chest at the confession. Hongjoong grabbed a chair from the table infront of Seonghwa, turning it to sit at Seonghwas desk. "You've been hauling yourself up here a lot lately, I was worried if you were doing good," Seonghwa fought a smile as the shorter boy sat down, leaning onto Seonghwas table.

"I have been doing fine, just studying," Hongjoong furrowed his eyebrows at the statement.

"But exams have finished?"

"Not this last one, its an exam to confirm whether or not I will be going to my desired University,"

"Oh? But i thought the scholarship covered that?"

"No, it was like a golden ticket. All expenses paid and a course set for me as long as I ace this exam,"

"What happens if you dont pass?"

"They take my scholarship and give it to someone else. They also refer me to other universities and colleges that would suit me if I so ask them too," Hongjoong looked down at the desk, eyes examining the strewn papers as he pouted. Seonghwa could fight the smile that ordained his face.

"Whens the exam?" Seonghwa grabbed one of his textbooks and his writing book, copying a few things down.

"On Friday," Hongjoongs eyes widened, his mouth agape.

"Thats only two days away! You better be studying!"

"You said you came up here because of how ive been," Seonghwa put down his pen, raising his hands to make air quotes. "'Hauling myself up here'"

Hongjoong banged the table, causing a semi loud bang to exho through the library. The librarian looked aorund the corner, pinpointing Hongjoong with her glare and shushing him. Hongjoongs cherks turned red as embarrassment took over him.

"I-I know i said that! I just— didn't you just have your last school exam yesterday, then? Have you been studying for this exam while stuudying for the schools ones, or just started now?" Seonghwa wtched as Hongjoong leaned back in his chair, a pout making its way back onto his face.

"I had been studying for this since Saturday, ap you do not need to worry. In fact, i think this may be my last long study session for a while. I'm pretty confident of where i stand right now," Hongjoong looked up at Seonghwa, a small smile forming.

"Thats nice to hear. Does that mean you could probably hang out with us tomorrow? We all miss you..." Hongjoong trailed off, having grabbed Seonghwas pen and spinning it on the table. Seonghwa felt more warmth course through his body at the statement. He missed them too.

"I will, do not fret. I've just been—"

"—We know you've been busy! You don't need to say it, we all have been busy!," Seonghwa stared at Hongjoong, the sudden outburst unexpected. "But... That was a yes?" Hongjoong sat up straighter, his eyes wide and sparkling. How cute.

...Cute?

"Yes, I will be there Joongie, don't worry," Hongjoong jumped up, startling Seonghwa. He grabbed Seonghwas hands and held the tight, smiling brightly.

"After school, meet up at the front gates, do not be a single minute late!" And as quickly as Hongjoong had showed up, he ran off, barreling through the library doors with a bang, the librarian looking at Seonghwa with a frown while the boy stared at his hands, caught off guard by what Hongjoong had done.

He traced his left hand with his right, and his right with his left, eyes wide as he felt the tingles in his hands slowly dissipate. He felt somewhat... giddy. A rush from when Hongjoong had touched him. Seonghwa felt heat rise on his cheeks.

And while his body was still riding the high of the moment, from when Hongjoong held his hands, to his bright smiles directed at him, he couldn't help but think 'Oh no'.

***************************

It was a stormy day, and Seonghwa was stuck in his dorm. His roommate had left earlier, telling Seonghwa that he was visiting his parents for the week. So here Seonghwa was, alone in his dorm, a storm playing out right in front of him, and his hands curled around a cup full of hot chocolate as he lived carelessly for the week off. What more could he ask for?

He sipped his hot beverage, humming in content as he swirled the hot chocolate in his mouth, savouring the taste.

As he reminisced in the moment, his phone chimed. Seonghwa turned his head towards his phone, glancing at the notification on the lock screen. He leant over, grabbing the phone and unlocking it. He clicked on the notification, which was a message, and read it.

hehet

would u be free rn?

Seonghwa stared at the message eyebrows furrowed before sighing and putting his hot chocolate down.

pluto

yes I would, why?

also, why pluto

hehet

cuz u aint real 😍😍😌

pluto

what

pluto is real sangie

its just not a planet

sangie.

hehet

omfg stop bullying me

hehet changed pluto's name to bully!

bully

youre insufferable

hehet

u love it

ok anyway what i actually came here for

so ur actually free to do anythin today??

bully

yes sangie, im free today

why, did something happen? do you need me to come over and hang out?

hehet

no no, dw

just needed to make sure so everything goes according to plan

ok so anyway

come meet us at yunhos dorm, were havin a mini movie party n meeting some of his friends!!

bully

oh?

what kind of movies? and what kind of friends?

hehet

idk but not horror thats all i know!! i remember yunho sayin he wanted to watch some disney or nostalgic films so theres that

also !! do not worry abt the friends!!

they r super kind n funny, youll love em :]

bully

youve already met them? thats kind rude :/

hehet

it was by accident :[[

i went over to yunhos to give him back a hoodie he left at our last study sess @ my dorm n i met em!!

it was only for a minute, i was rushin since i was late to class

bully

hmm... ok, ill accept it

what time will it be then?

hehet

at 4 and if yunhos roomate does end up coming home early from his mini trip, itll end at 10, but if not, we can stay the night

bully

not to be rude, but i really hope his roommate does not come back to the dorms until later tomorrow

hehet

same

knowing us, we'd just pass out on the couch anywaybully

ok u guys will, im responsible

hehet

sounds pretty fake ngl :///

bully

ok then, i shall go back to what i was doing before you messaged me

hehet

wait seonghwa i wanna keep talkin im bored :[[

seonghwa??

seongie??

ddeonghwa????

: [

***************************

It was an hour before Seonghwa had to leave. He had just gotten out of the shower, mostly wiped down, but his hair was still dripping.

He shook his head, feeling his hair stick to his face and water droplets fly everywhere. He brought up the towel to his head and vigorously dried his hair.

After drying himself down, he got dressed. Nothing extravagant or formal, but something comfortabe and simple. It was practically a sleep over he was invited to, after all.

It was now 15 minutes till Seonghwa would have to be at Yunho's. He know walking to Yunho's dorm would take at least 10 minutes, since it was not on the other side of campus, but a far bit away.

Seonghwa went through his mental checklist. Phone, check. Charger, check. Earphones, check. Small over the shoulder bag full of snacks, a pair of spare clothes, and an apparent rose flavoured lip balm, check.

At the thought of the lip balm, he licked his lips. His lips had been dry during the week from the cold weather, so he took up Yeosangs advice on picking up one or two lip balms. Of course, he bought the only ones that were supposedly to be what a flower would taste like. He picked up the lip balm, applying it to his lips and smacking them together before putting it back.

He checked the time.

12 minutes left.

He grabbed all his things, his keys jingling in his hands and a dmall umbrella in his pockets. He opened his dorm door, exiting and locking the door before finally leaving the dorm building. He grabbed his umbrella, opening it up once he stepped foot outside, wlaking along the footpath, frowning when he noticed the mud making its way across the path.

He sighed as the rain started to pour harder, his grip tightening on his umbrella.

He did not want to walk back to his dorm through this weather.

***************************

He made it to Yunho's dorm a bit later than he had expected. His shoes were caked in mud, and no, he did not slip in mud, he just wanted to be like Peppa Pig for a fleeting moment.

He knocked on Yunho's door, wiping his shoes off at the mat and taking them off. He shook his umbrella, the water flying everywhere. Maybe he should ahve done that outside, but it was too late now.

The door opened, revealing Yeosang who just pouted.

"You're late," Seonghwa pushed past Yeosang, dropping his umbrella near the door and placing his shoes near the rest. There's definitely a few new pairs there, either Yunho got more shoes, or his friends are already here.

"You try walking here in this weather," A few laughs were heard in the distance. Yep, definitely here.

Yeosang shook his head, closing and locking the door. He turned to Seonghwa, grabbing his hand and dragging him towards lounge.

"So, what's happened so far?"

"Nothing much! Just been playing some switch waiting for you," Yeosang stopped as they made it to the lounge. "Look who's here!" Seonghwa looked at the three men that were on the couch, all three watching the TV as they battled in MarioKart.

"Is it Seonghwa?" Yunho asked before he crossed the finish line, jumping up and laughing.

"I win!" The man sat on the right of Yunho crossed the line next, pointing to the man that sat on the left of Yunho, laughing.

"And you're last!" The man on the left sighed, corssing the line.

"Wow, that was so fun," Yunho laughed, the man that came second now standing up and turning around. Huh, almost as tall as Yunho.

"Let me introduce them to you, Hwa?" The man on the left, stood up, but still didnt turn around. Quite short, thats cute.

"This," Yunho gestured towards the taller man out of the two newcomers. "Is Mingi," The man now identified as Mingi waved his hand, a smile plastered on his face.

"And this," Yunho reached over to the smaller man, grabbibg his shoulder and forcefully turning him around. "Is—"

For a moment, the world stopped.

For a moment, their eyes met.

For a moment, they were seeing eachother again.

"—Hongjoong?" Seonghwa blurted out, cutting off Yunho. The shorter man, now known as Hongjoong, shared a similar expression to Seonghwa, yes wide and mouth agape.

Holding hands, watching as the sun set over the horizon, the light painting his face, his eyes sparkling.

"Seonghwa?" Yunho looked between the two, confusion plastered all over his face.

Bright smiles, warm laughs. Soft lips, peppered kisses.

"You two knew eachother?" Seonghwa nodded, at a loss for words as he stared at the boy infront of him.

"Thats so cool! It's like it's fate for you two to meet again," Yunho exclaimed. "But come on, we gotta get ready for our movie marathon, its half hour past the time we were supise to start!"

***************************

It was around midnight that Seonghwa finally couldnt take the awkwardness around him and Hongjoong. He got up from his spot on the floor, making his way to the kitchen and flicked on the light, going to grab a drink and a snack from his bag.

As he trifled through his bag, finding the pack of chips he craved for, he turned around and almost felt his soul leave his body.

There was Hongjoong, standing right in front of him.

He had to hold back a scream.

"Woah! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," Hongjoong threw his hands up, taking a step back.

Seonghwa gained back his thoughts, the adrenaline dissipating.

"Do you need something?" He asked. He watched as Hongjoong suddenly became nervous, looking down at his feet. He has red hair... it looks... fluffy.

"I-I just... I kinda wanted to talk to you?" Seonghwa felt heat rise to his cheeks as he ran through the possibilities of just what Hongjoong would possibly say.

"About what?"

Silence overtook the two for a moment. Then Hongjoong spoke up.

"About... why you left," Seonghwa shifted his body, suddenly feeling so small. "Why you never contacted us," He felt shame slowly seep through his body. "Why you... never contacted... me," He looked down at his feet.

No one spoke for a minute, both thinking, both waiting.

"I never did get my scholarship..." Hongjoong looked up at Seonghwa, eyes wide.

"Wha—"

"I passed the exam for it, but by the time the people giving out the scholarship had marked it, all the scholarships had been given away,"

Seonghwa felt tears begin to pool in his eyes.

"I was so disappointed in myself, I didnt want you all to see me," He inhaled shaky breath, emotions coming back as he relived the moment in his mind. "So I just told you all that I got in and... left,"

He felt Hongjoong take his hands, caressing them softly. Like he used too.

"Why did you never talk to me after? You didnt even tell me you wanted to break up," Hongjoongs voice broke near the end. "You just went... radio silent," Seonghwa couldn't help the tear that ran down his face.

"I never wanted to break up," Seonghwa squeezed Hongjoongs hands. "I just— I wanted time, time to fix things, so i could say I was attending college, that I wasn't a fuck up..." He felt Hongjoong squeeze his hands back, he heard how the other boy sniffled. He must be crying too.

"Seonghwa, listen to me," Suddenly, Hongjoong was cupping his face, his hands so soft, and his eyes looking straight into Seonghwas soul. "You are not a fuck up, you hear me?"

"I'm sorry," His voice broke, tears now streaming down his face, one after the other. Hongjoong had tears slipping down his face himself. He lifted his thumb, wiping some tears off Seonghwas face.

"It's okay, I forgive you, HwaHwa," Seonghwa couldn't help but let a whine escape him at the nickname.

"HwaHwa! You're so cute!"

Hongjoong laughed wetly at the reaction.

"You'd think i forget what that nickname did to you," He stroked Seonghwas cheek lovingly, smiling fondly at Seonghwa, and Seonghwa couldnt help but feel his previous worries disappear just looking at him.

Seonghwa buried his face into Hongjoongs neck and threw his arms around Hongjoongs shoulders, letting another embarrassed whine escape him.

Hongjoong laughed at the action, snaking his arms around Seonghwas waist. They both stayed in that position for a few minutes, iust enjoying the company, the warmth. Enjoying eachother.

Hongjoong threw his arms over Seonghwas neck, pulling him down to give him a strong hug.

"Your hugs are the best, Joongie,"

Seonghwa felt Hongjoong shift, his hold on Seonghwa loosening. He felt a hand coursing through his hair, the action sending shivers down his spine, and a blush on his cheeks.

"I've missed this," Hongjoong whispered. Seonghwa picked his head back up, looking at Hongjoong.

"I did too," Hongjoong smiled.

Hongjoong raised his hand, putting it under Seonghwas chin and slowly pulling him down back towards him. Soon enough, their noses were touching, and they could feel eachothers breaths fan eachothers faces.

It took just a moment for Seonghwa to understand what Hongjoong wanted to do.

He looked to Hongjoongs eyes, noticing how they flickered back up to his then fown to his lips. Seonghwa did the same, his gaze lowering down to Hongjoongs own plush lips.

Seonghwa unconsciously licked his own.

"Can I..." Hongjoong trailed off, but Seonghwa knew what he was asking. He nodded his head, feeling Hongjoong pull him closer.

Then he felt Hongjoongs lips on his.

And suddenly, he felt like he was back in high school. When Hongjoong would sneak up on him in the bathrooms to give him a few wuick pecks on the lips before running away. When Hongjoonga arms would wrap around his his waist, pulling him into his lap, and even if Seonghwa was the taller one out of them, Hongjoong would always find a way to make Seonghwa feel small and safe in his arms.

He felt light again, like all his problems had been thrown away. He felt like the weight he carried had been lifted.

Seonghwa broke the kiss first, gasping for air, breathless. His lips a shade of bright pink

Hongjoong just stared at the boy, breath taken at the sight before him.

Hongjoong pulled Seonghwa back down again, both diving in for a kiss, each one more heated than the last.

Soon enough, both broke away, catching their breathe as they were pushed against eachother.

"I've wanted to do that for so long since then. I've missed it sso much," Hongjoong panted out.

"Me too," Seonghwa took a hold of Hongjoongs hands, looping his fingers between his own.

"This means that, you know," Hongjoong was anxious again, eyes flicking from Seonghwa to the floor. "That we'll do this again... right? That—"

"That we'll be back together?" Seonghwa cut in, heart beating fast at what Hongjoong was asking.

"Yes," Hongjoong looked up at Seonghwa, still nervous on what the answer would be.

And Seonghwa couldn't have answered more perfectly.

"Of course," Seonghwa dived back in for another kiss, this one not heated, but filled with something more deeper. He broke the kiss, burying his face in Hongjoongs neck. "Of course,"

"I love you," Seonghwa felt his heart stutter.

"I love you too," Hongjoong smiled, pulling Seonghwa towards him.

"Forever," Hongjoong whispered.

"Always," Seonghwa whispered back.

#park seonghwa #kim hongjoong #ateez #kang yeosang #jung yunho #song mingi #ateez fic #idk how to tag to get this to spread around on tumblr skdkdjs #uuh grammar mistakes will be visible #ok thats all #follow me on twit @xuteline #i want moots #or jus talkin here is good :]

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torturedwarrior · 5 years ago

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My fears and how I vanquished them!!!!

Driving can be a good or a bad thing. What actually is scary about them? Even though If you have a car and don't mind driving it around, then you're well on your way to earning hundreds of dollars on the side every month., Driving is scary and working is very stressful because when work stress becomes chronic, it can be overwhelming — and harmful to both physical and emotional health. Unfortunately, such long-term stress is all too common. and I wont be able to control the car I may cause an accident. If you have a car and don't mind driving it around, then you're well on your way to earning hundreds of dollars on the side every month. One great thing about Door Dash: you are guaranteed a minimum of $10 per hour even if business is slow enough that you wouldn't otherwise make that! Average pay is anywhere from $10 to $20, and up to $25 per hour. Plus, as a consumer, Door Dash is my current favorite food delivery service. If you're a college student you might try Tapingo, which focuses on campus delivery. Otherwise your options are pretty much legion! Another example is, you can use your own car to be a courier for Amazon using Amazon Flex. You can make $18 to $25 an hour. Like with many delivery services, you schedule a block of availability. Then you pick packages up from an Amazon warehouse and the app gives you directions for delivering them. Even though If you have a car and don't mind driving it around, then you're well on your way to earning hundreds of dollars on the side every month., Driving is scary and working is very stressful because when work stress becomes chronic, it can be overwhelming — and harmful to both physical and emotional health. Unfortunately, such long-term stress is all too common...an example is, Certain factors tend to go hand-in-hand with work-related stress. Some common workplace stressors are: Low salaries, Excessive workloads, Few opportunities for growth or advancement, Work that isn't engaging or challenging, Lack of social support, Not having enough control over job-related decisions, Conflicting demands or unclear performance expectations. Another example can be, A stressful work environment can contribute to problems such as headache, stomachache, sleep disturbances, short temper and difficulty concentrating. Chronic stress can result in anxiety, insomnia, high blood pressure and a weakened immune system. It can also contribute to health conditions such as depression, obesity and heart disease. Compounding the problem, people who experience excessive stress often deal with it in unhealthy ways such as overeating, eating unhealthy foods, smoking cigarettes or abusing drugs and alcohol. The most important reason Driving is scary is because I wont be able to control the car, I may cause an accident. Nothing is scarier than Driving; you have to make sure to watch for other drivers and controlling this ton machine. An example can be, there is nothing scary about it. But you and (past me and) all those who dont know how to drive may have any or multiple of the following fears: I wont be able to control the car, I may cause an accident, may hit a pedestrian, may hit another car, may fall the car off a cliff if its a hilly area, I may hurt myself during the process of driving, I may not be able to park, I may not be able to take the car uphill - it will start going back, I may not be able to brake the car on a main road when required, And, worst of all - I may kill somebody. Some solutions I have tried and overcame are, Try to learn driving from a professional - a driving instructor, Try to learn driving on a small - hatch preferably – car, Try to learn driving on an auto transmission car so that you dont have to worry for changing gears, Dont worry about the dashboard of the car as there might be so many buttons and numbers - just get yourself adjusted with steering wheel, accelerator, and brakes (after these of course you will have to know how to give indicators and use rain-wipers), Once youre well-familiar with the above things, ask your instructor to take you to an area where there are less cars and less people, Practice there, Practice daily, Practice in different conditions - rain, night, day, MOST important: Tell yourself that you can do it. Its not a rocket science. Believe me after a few lessons itll become your habit. ALWAYS STAY CONFIDENT AND POSITIVE And, NEVER EVER TRY TO OVERSPEED. And follow all other rules REMEMBER: so many bad things can happen anywhere - while youre on the road walking, or in a train, or in a car with someone else driving, or anywhere but they dont always happen! Youve to be positive! Another example is Breathing when you are driving and when a panic attack comes on do breathing and grounding techniques to stay calm. So, it is clear that although If you have a car and don't mind driving it around, then you're well on your way to earning hundreds of dollars on the side every month., Driving is scary, and working is very stressful for two main reasons. First, when work stress becomes chronic, it can be overwhelming — and harmful to both physical and emotional health. Unfortunately, such long-term stress is all too common... But most importantly, I wont be able to control the car I may cause an accident. When you think you cannot do work because it is stressful try tracking your stressors like keeping a journal, develop healthy responses instead of alcohol try making good choices, take time to recharge like on your off days try and take a relaxing bubble bath, talk to your supervisor and letting him/her know it is to stressful and you might need something less, and get support from family and friends. Work Cited: "Coping with Stress at Work." American Psychological Association (APA). 2019. Web. 27 Jul 2019. . Farrington, Robert. "10 Interesting Ways You Can Make Money Driving." The College Investor | Millennial Personal Finance and Investing Blog. 23 May 2019. Web. 27 Jul 2019. . "Is driving scary? What exactly is scary about it? - Quora." Quora - A place to share knowledge and better understand the world. Web. 27 Jul 2019. . "Working is stressful - Google Search." Google. Web. 27 Jul 2019. .

#memyselfandi💋#my fears #vanquish #overcome #writing #essay

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jayvii-blog1 · 7 years ago

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Today we had the second doctor’s appointment I am starting to get more relaxed in this new world we are both traveling. The doctor is awesome she makes it all super relaxing hell today she even wore her comfy clothes. Here are some notes from the appointment today:

KaiNeKvrsun notes 143 lbs KaiNeKvrsun: ok lets get vitals KaiNeKvrsun notes 120/78 JuelzDior watches the machine and the numbers KaiNeKvrsun checks pulse KaiNeKvrsun: i loooooved your tumblr btw KaiNeKvrsun: i blushed so hard JuelzDior: it has been fun creating the blog of this experience JuelzDior: we had to share it with you KaiNeKvrsun: i showed my gf like bae loooooook KaiNeKvrsun: lol JuelzDior: awwe KaiNeKvrsun notes 80 bpm

KaiNeKvrsun: i would like to get a listen at your lungs of thats ok

JuelzDior: yes of course

KaiNeKvrsun: ok aweome

KaiNeKvrsun: this table right here

KaiNeKvrsun grabs stethoscope

KaiNeKvrsun rubs it over your back locating your left lung

KaiNeKvrsun: deep breath for me

JuelzDior breathes in deeply

KaiNeKvrsun: ok and exhale

JuelzDior exhales as directed KaiNeKvrsun moves to right lung KaiNeKvrsun: inhale please JuelzDior inhales as directed KaiNeKvrsun: aaand exhale JuelzDior exhales once more KaiNeKvrsun: perfect KaiNeKvrsun puts scope on your heart and listens

KaiNeKvrsun: ok perfect KaiNeKvrsun: great news KaiNeKvrsun: we can actually take a look at the baby(ies) KaiNeKvrsun: i know you want it to be a surprise so the way ill do it is JuelzDior: oh wow really?

KaiNeKvrsun: ill switch up from the single sonogram to the twin jus to keep you wondering KaiNeKvrsun: lol JuelzDior: oh wow lool JuelzDior: ok KaiNeKvrsun: you can both follow me KaiNeKvrsun: let me wash my hands KaiNeKvrsun washes hands and puts on gloves

JuelzDior wiggles toes while anxiously wondering what to expect KaiNeKvrsun: ill need to lift your shirt a bit more KaiNeKvrsun: and just so you know this gel is cold KaiNeKvrsun: i hate it but its necessary JuelzDior pulls my shirt up higher and relaxes

KaiNeKvrsun applies gel to your belly and grabs transducer KaiNeKvrsun: are you excited? JuelzDior: im a little nervous JayvionDior peeks over and goes back to my phone recording the appointment KaiNeKvrsun rolls transducer around your tummy and zooms in

JuelzDior lowers eyes as her hormones had her thinking Jay was not paying attention or on Facebook KaiNeKvrsun: i know its a bit hard to see but tht there is a baby

JuelzDior looks at the image and waves "hi baby" KaiNeKvrsun: its kind of looks like a smidget tadpole KaiNeKvrsun: but the cutest one i ever seen KaiNeKvrsun: lol JayvionDior: loll JuelzDior: Tadpole Dior

JayvionDior: is there only one tadpole? KaiNeKvrsun: here at month 2 your baby has already began to develope its heart spinal cord muscles brain and bones KaiNeKvrsun: you sure you wanna know JuelzDior: is it a girl brain? KaiNeKvrsun: i cant tell you lol KaiNeKvrsun: i made a promise to 2 wonderful people KaiNeKvrsun: lol JuelzDior palms face "ok we can wait"

KaiNeKvrsun: now your placenta and amniotic sac are still forming along with the baby so itll still move around quite easy KaiNeKvrsun: you wont feel it dont worry JuelzDior: can i ask how long will my nipples be so sore? KaiNeKvrsun: the umbilical cord had formed also and connected to the baby for the supply of blood and food KaiNeKvrsun: its just the beginning love KaiNeKvrsun: but they wont be so tender around trimester 2 JuelzDior: ughh that sounds like awhile lool KaiNeKvrsun: but then much more tender around trimester 3

KaiNeKvrsun: now you cant see bc of how small he/she/they are KaiNeKvrsun: but the eyes and limbs are also starting to form

KaiNeKvrsun: and the little one is about the size of a bebe pellet KaiNeKvrsun: very very small JuelzDior sends kisses to the screen KaiNeKvrsun: we can only see this much thanks to zoom KaiNeKvrsun: lol

KaiNeKvrsun: good pictures come at 4 months when i typically do the gender reveal JayvionDior: can't wait JayvionDior: she is carrying 8 babies in there loll KaiNeKvrsun: lmbo KaiNeKvrsun: oh i sure hope not JuelzDior glares at JAyvii KaiNeKvrsun: shes gonna try to kill us both JuelzDior: you gonna be a Zaddy seeking a new home KaiNeKvrsun: lol KaiNeKvrsun: z JuelzDior: with a rehoming fee KaiNeKvrsun: lawd

KaiNeKvrsun grabs radar and rolls it on your tummy seeking a hb KaiNeKvrsun: is your sound on JayvionDior: yes KaiNeKvrsun: it may be very faint so listen carefully JuelzDior: yes they are KaiNeKvrsun: ok listen carefully JayvionDior: wow JayvionDior: time to listen JayvionDior: yay KaiNeKvrsun: hb JuelzDior: oooooooooooooooooooooooo JayvionDior: there it goes JuelzDior: i hear ittttttttttt JayvionDior: you hear it JuelzDior: hiiiiiiiiiiiii my tadpole's heart

KaiNeKvrsun cleans off radar and wipes off your belly KaiNeKvrsunKaiNeKvrsun Whisper: how are you feeling a far as your nausea JuelzDior: i would like for someone else to have it JuelzDior: im over that KaiNeKvrsun: lol trust me i understand

KaiNeKvrsun Whisper: itll tone down a bit after trimester 2 as well JuelzDior: its hard out here with a pregnant belly KaiNeKvrsun: yes maam it is KaiNeKvrsun takes off gloves and grabs prescription pad

KaiNeKvrsun: im gonna write you a prescription for zofran KaiNeKvrsun: you dont need water to take it KaiNeKvrsun: just place it under your tongue and let it dissolve JuelzDior: ok dr thank you KaiNeKvrsun: it pretty much works instantly KaiNeKvrsun: but before taking that try a little lime or lime water its very good for it as well JuelzDior: i will try the lime water because my facebook support group said try ginerale and it was too strong JuelzDior: way too much carbonation KaiNeKvrsun: yes i typically dont recommend it JuelzDior: ah ok KaiNeKvrsun: lime can be harsh if you have too many but maybe one freshly squeezed lime inside an average cup of water can do the trick JuelzDior taps the information on her phone under notes about baby JuelzDior: thank you dr this will surely be helpful KaiNeKvrsun: i love that you take notes KaiNeKvrsun: lol JuelzDior: of course it will be on the blog later JuelzDior: lool KaiNeKvrsun: so many women are clueless even with all the information i give KaiNeKvrsun: lol ooo i cant wait to see

KaiNeKvrsun hands you your shoes KaiNeKvrsun: ok my favorite part KaiNeKvrsun: hit me with the uestions KaiNeKvrsun: questions* JuelzDior: no questions at the moment i am so ready to go furniture shopping JuelzDior grabs keys "come on baeeeeeeeeeeeee lets go to kids r us or target" KaiNeKvrsun: lol KaiNeKvrsun: dont drag him too far lol KaiNeKvrsun: i know i went overboard the other day JuelzDior: ty dr so next weeks appointment will resume on thursday correct? JuelzDior: and i need you to relax you have a bundle baking KaiNeKvrsun: yes maam normal time

JuelzDior: see you in 2018 KaiNeKvrsun: happy new years and have the best night ever! JuelzDior: thank you KaiNeKvrsun: goodnight mr dior JayvionDior: good night and Happy New Year

#the-life-of-a-tiny-pudgy-unicorn

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crimewizards · 7 years ago

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im feeling weird. my little sibling has been seeing a gender therapist and wants to be called elliot and be referred to as my brother and its just

weird

like, i saw this coming, and was sort of expecting a name change somewhere along the line, and if he asks in time he might be able to get puberty blockers or something, but i still feel odd. maybe its because this is someone ive known my whole life?? like, ive watched this kid grow up. im responsible for like, most of this kids mannerisms. its something weve discussed here and there, with both his gender and my own, and it didnt feel this way when a school friend transitioned. again, maybe its because this is a person ive known for 13 years (his whole life) instead of three or four (school friend)

its gonna take some getting used to, yeah, and its probably good that hes doing this now, since the school years about to start up, so everyone can get used to it.

while i was away, i was talking about my sibling (brother?) with a friend, and referred to him as “they” and he (the friend) stopped me and just asked “(name) is a they?” and i didnt really know what to answer. i said something along the lines of “its something were trying” but felt embarrassed for some reason, because he (bro) has been going by “he” in our house for a few weeks now.

like immediately my mind went to “what nickname can i give him” because im so used to a one or two syllable nickname and he said “eli” would be a good one, but i feel like the harsh “ee” in “eli” doesnt fit the “eh” sound in elliot. i was thinking about “ell” or something like that, and momentarily toyed with the idea of “lio” just to see how hed react. i havent gotten a chance to employ this, he dropped the bomb on us (see: me (i was the only one who didnt know)) about twenty minutes ago.

i dont even know what spelling of elliot he wants to use but im like relatively sure it comes from billy elliot, which he recently saw at the theater company i worked with this summer.

when i found out that my school friend was a trans guy, wanted to go by ‘he’ instead of ‘they’ (previously genderfluid) about a year ago, i found out through tumblr and i didnt know why he didnt tell me through a text or something. i asked him about it when the school year started, and weve all gotten used to it at this point. hed already been going by his chosen name for a good 8 months by that point, so that was no hard switch.

weve been calling my bro a more masculine version of his given name for a while now, so this is going to be a strange transition (ha) phase for us. and he fully understands if we slip up and hes totally okay with it, he knows that everyone makes mistakes and its all generally okay, but were going to our uncles wedding next week so were trying out the name and seeing how he likes it or if he wants to go by something else or just permanently go by the short masc version of his given name.

so, yeah. thats whats going on now i guess. i know im going to have to bring it up with my therapist the next time i see her, but that wont be for a little while bc were (again) going to my uncles wedding (in colorado) and i wont be able to go to my usual appointment. by the time we get back, itll probably have just been after the first day of school, so im going to have a lot to unpack by that point, and im not sure that ill remember by then. i may have gotten used to it in two weeks. i dont want to go to colorado, i just got home from scotland, i want to stay home.

ive been stressed lately and fighting down some sort of meltdown for a few days now. mentioned to my therapist that i unhealthily fought it down on friday and brushed off when friends asked if i was okay over dinner, bc i didnt know how to answer. we had just seen a show at that point about mental health with a character who constantly said “im fine” when she wasnt and im worried that theyll think that im emulating her instead of the first character whos depressed and has mad agoraphobia and anxiety. like, see me as him, not as the girl who has full on meltdowns in public (oh wait) so theres all that. im worried im going snap at friends when the school year starts. im worried im going to lose people again. i havent finished my summer reading, kids are going to be looking up to me, im going to start applying for colleges and havent really written an essay yet. i dont know if im ready to go back to school, but at the same time i am, because i need structure in my life to function properly. itll be good for me.

this summer has been really good, actually. ive got my name on a real, actual program as the real actual costume designer, i finished editing my music video today, i went and performed in the edinburgh fringe festival with people i love, some whom ive known for five years, my uncles getting married, and his fiancee is one of the coolest people ive met. shes a total hippie/witch, bought me black candles, and we welcomed her into the family really quickly. shes going to be a great addition.

theres still a lot of important conversations that i need to have, but im relatively happy with where i am. and ive been like?? rationalizing with mental health in an okay way. i thought id have one of those convos last week and didnt, but things were still moving forward. i feel like this is the happy point in the post, so i cant get super dramatic and say i want to die and have been telling myself i cant yet because ive got shit to do first. i dont have a plan, dont worry, its just one of those invasive thoughts that i push away and that only come out when im really stressed or being super dramatic. lmao looks like i got dramatic anyway.

this post was supposed to end four paragraphs ago. i know there are people looking out for me. im looking out for them too. its going to be okay, things are just changing. im just having a little trouble with that, i guess.

kudos if youve made it this far. i know its a lot of rambling, but i needed to get my thoughts down. if youve read this and you know me irl/have my number/go to school with me, dont contact me about this. im shouting into the void, essentially.

thats all from me. catch ya later

#lav talks #really long post #just getting my thoughts down

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dreamin-of-somewhere-else · 8 years ago

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The Secret [2]

Part 1

I got numerous requests to write a part 2 for this (which made me really happy), specifically for some Dean angst, and who am I to turn that down?

Characters: Winchester Brothers x sister!reader

Words: 2900 (I may have gotten a bit carried away, oops.)

[Angst, A bit of blood, Guilt] - But nothing too bad, I wouldn’t say.

Tags: @daughters-and-winsisters, @evyiione

A/N: Also, I just finished this, which might be a bit rushed, so sorry about any misspellings that I failed to notice. I just really wanted to get this up right now!

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Dean always knew Sam had a more complex way of seeing the world of monsters and supernatural creatures. Himself, Dean had adopted John’s more black and white way of thinking. It was just easier that way, because although he admired Sam for that sometimes, he could get annoyed too. It was just harder doing what they do if you chose to let the shades of grey in.

But, this situation was different. Because now it was personal. It was family. And that was the reason for Dean not doing anything about it. He was angry at himself for it, but he didn’t know what to do.

The door to the bunker opened with a creak, and then a heavy slam echoed through the building as it closed. The noise brought Dean out of his thoughts, and he instantly got off his bed to greet Sam, who was the only person it could be.

Even though Dean really liked the bunker, it had some disadvantages. One of them was that he couldn’t keep track of Sam as well as he used to. He had noticed that Sam was gone, but never when he left. Let’s just say it was a big change from the motel rooms.

Dean and Sam had moved into the bunker only days after they parted with you. And even though they moved, traces of you were everywhere. Your old pair of worn and dirty converse stood parked by the door, still, even though you never took them off there. Other stuff of yours — like books, sketch blocks, clothes, your old mp3 player — it was all left in a room you’d never been in. You never left it there. Sam and Dean brought them. Even though it had been over a month — they couldn’t cut you out of their lives. Not permanently. Not yet.

”Hey,” Dean acknowledged Sam as the younger walked down the stairs to the main, living room.

”Hi.”

That was a little stiff, maybe.

”So, what were you doing?” The blond Winchester then questioned, wondering what his little brother had been up to.

”Just… Just in town, checking it out.” Sam shrugged, walking past Dean through the large hall.

Dean did not believe that.

”Oh, come on, Sam. Where were you, really?”

”Why do you need to know?” Sam called out in response, while Dean started following him through the building.

”Why do you need to keep things from me?” Dean retorted, not giving in. He could sense when Sam wasn’t telling the whole truth after over two decades, closer to three, with the kid.

Sam didn’t answer.

”Is this about—” Dean had a hunch, and he decided to venture asking. ”—her? It is about (Y/N), isn’t it?”

Sam groaned as he came to a stop. Dean watched his shoulders rise and then lower down again, until Sam spun around to face his older brother.

”Might be.”

Dean groaned too now. ”Sam, she lied to us.” He still felt unbelievably betrayed, the single thought about it physically pained him.

”Yeah, and I understand her.” Sam spat, rocking an expression that screamed ’I’m freakin’ tired with your shit.’ The tired, disbelieving little smile shared similarities with the ’bitch face’, but this look was far more serious. ”You need to cut her some slack. It’s not her fault she isn’t like us.”

”But she pretended like nothing was wrong for years. She could’ve just told us from the beginning!” Dean defended himself, eyes round and accusingly staring at Sam.

”Sure, but what’s done is done. She’s the one who’s out there, alone!” Sam argued, his arms spreading out wide as he spoke, frustration with the situation showing through his body language.

”Sam, she’s a kitsune. We’re supposed to hunt those.” Dean tried to justify his actions, even though he wasn’t entirely happy with the way he had handled the situation.

”How long will it take for you to realize? Yes, she’s not human. Yes, she’s a supernatural creature. But Dean, for god’s sake, get over it!”

Dean blinked.

”Dean, we are hunters. Hunters are taught to hunt supernatural things, right?” He didn’t give his brother time to answer, because Dean already knew. ”Well, that means others are going to hunt her down sooner or later.”

Dean was taken back. He surely hadn’t thought of that. He had considered you being a danger, but not in danger.

”I’ve been out trying to find her, okay?” Sam continued. ”And I suggest you make up your mind if you want to see her again, before someone finds her and kills her. Because you know very well that it can happen.”

The oldest struggled to process the new piece of knowledge as guilt started to wash over him, even more than before. He shook his head to himself, running his hands through his hair. For you to get slaughtered by hunters was not what he wanted.

”Dean, it’s still her.” Sam now spoke in a softer voice. Dean already understood. ”The girl we know, the girl who lived with us, the girl in your memories. Since she didn’t tell us for years and she’s been a kitsune all that time — it proves that it doesn’t matter. She’s still herself, the same as she’s always been — we just know more about her. And you know how bad it’s out there. If we can hunt kitsunes without a problem, so can others.”

A moment of silence passed.

”I’ve screwed things up haven’t I?” Dean then muttered, both to Sam and to himself. ”I’ve just made it much worse that it has to be.”

”I understand, I felt betrayed too. Who would have thought (Y/N) was a supernatural creature. (Y/N), of all people.” Sam let out a humorless laugh. ”But, the world is complicated. There’s shades of grey everywhere. I know you see things the way Dad taught you, I do too at times, but we need to believe in what we see, not what he said. Supernatural doesn’t equal bad.”

Dean nodded. ”We need to fix this, Sam. I mean, I don’t know if we ever can fix things between us… B-but, we should keep her safe, at least. You’re right, and I’m with you.”

Dean hurried after the silhouette in front of him. It was one month later, and Dean could have sworn it was you. He and Sam had searched, what it felt like, every inch, and then you just appear out of nowhere. Well, if it was you, Dean wasn’t completely sure. But, he wasn’t letting go until he was.

The young woman in front of him shot a look over her shoulder, and Dean quickly hid himself against the closest wall, invisible in the darkness of the alley.

Then, she looked forward again and hurried on, and Dean followed. He knew now. It was you, he could tell by the hair, the clothes, the silhouette and the facial structure all together. It was just scraps and pieces, he couldn’t see well through the darkness of the alley. But, it was enough.

So, he picked up the tempo, to catch you before you exited the alley, disappearing around the corner, possibly gone forever. This might be Dean’s only shot and he wasn’t going to mess it up. Not like he messed it up the last time you saw each other.

Dean’s steps got louder, heavier, and you noticed it. You walked faster. Dean was running. You weren’t — you were too tired. Dean caught up with you, and placed his hand on your shoulder and spun you around.

He was in for a rollercoaster of emotions.

First he was felt indescribable relief. It was actually you, his hand was on your shoulder. At last, after days where Dean didn’t even think of anything else than that he might never see you again.

The next emotion was uneasiness, once he saw your eyes that stared back at him, open wide. They were still the same, beautiful color, but the pupils were different. They were outstretched, like a cat’s — or a fox’s. A lump formed in Dean’s stomach and it took everything he had not to flinch.

The uneasiness intensified and transformed into worry once he saw your hands. They were covered in dark crimson. Drying blood — everywhere. Dean found himself wishing badly that you hadn’t hurt anyone. Although it didn’t seem like you, Dean didn’t know for sure, this was new territory for him.

But the worry transformed into fear, after he intuitionally lifted your jacket — to reveal a huge bloodstain on your shirt. He immediately grabbed your upper arms with both hands, as if he was scared you would collapse any moment.

”(Y/N)?” He asked, voice trembling and his eyes pooling with concern. His eyes wandered off the bloodied shirt, and came to a stop by the gaping whole in the fabric over your chest. Underneath a nasty wound showed itself, digging deep into your ribcage.

”Dean?” Your voice was filled with disbelief. You were more focused on Dean being back than your own state.

”You bet.” Dean smiled just a little but it reached nowhere near his eyes. ”(Y/N), you’re hurt, I—”

”I-I know. It was a… close call.” You interrupted, panting. ”If it wasn’t for the fighting skills you taught me… I p-probably wouldn’t be standing here. So thanks for that.” Your voice wasn’t angry but it wasn’t happy either. It was lacking most traces of emotion.

”Can I do something—”

”No, it’ll heal… Just hurts right now.” You interrupted once again.

”Was… Was it hunters?” Dean was scared to ask. He hoped with all his heart that it wasn’t. That Sam wasn’t right about you being in constant, serious, danger.

”Three of them.” You spoke, looking at Dean with a blank expression.

Dean shook his head to himself, anger and guilt welling up inside. He felt a burning desire to find those sons of bitches and make them pay for this.

An awkward silence fell over you two, and you raised your eyebrows at how Dean still seemed unsure and uneasy. His glance was wobbly and hands slightly trembling.

”What?”

”Your eyes…” Dean murmured.

You instantly took your gaze away from him and stared down at the asphalt. You hadn’t even noticed your eyes, probably because the pain in your chest overtook everything.

”Why are you here?” You then asked. By the way he had acted the last time you saw each other, that night on the hunt, you had expected to never see him again.

He had told you that he killed those like you, and now, here he was wondering about the bloodstains on your shirt that those like him had caused.

”I’m so sorry.” He blurted out, his voice cracking. You lifted your gaze to look at him, and saw the pain radiating from his eyes. ”I’m so, so, sorry.”

Too surprised to speak, you remained quiet.

”I messed everything up.” Dean drew an unsteady breath. ”You’re our family. And it shouldn’t have taken me 2 months and Sam yelling at me to realize that.”

You nodded, lost for words, still.

”W-what you are… We can work around it. You’re still you. A-and I don’t want you out on your own, where hunters can get to you.”

You let out a weak, humorless laugh. ”Me neither.”

”I’m so sorry. I-I wish I could take it back, what I said.”

You nodded. It was quiet for a moment before you spoke up.

”You and Sam— You kinda… are my only family.” You fumbled with your words. ”Well — I don’t have any real family, but…”

”No, (Y/N), Sam and I are your real family. If you still want us to be.” Dean offered tentatively, although his eyes pleadingly screamed for you to please let them be your family.

You nodded. ”Yeah… I-I would like that.” The corners of your lips curled into a small smile.

”Thank you.”

”You don’t have to thank me.” You objected, slightly frowning.

”I do.” Dean assured you. ”This is all my fault, and I don’t deserve—”

”Hey, Dean!” You stopped him. ”Don’t guilt yourself to death, okay?”

Dean closed his mouth and nodded.

”I forgive you.”

”You do?” He asked in disbelief.

”I do. Now, where’s Sam?” You then questioned, changing the topic.

As on queue, Dean’s cellphone rang.

”Speaking of the devil.” He declared, with the trace of a smirk on his face. You felt a some of the weight on your shoulders lift when you saw it — it made Dean looked more like his usual self — something you didn’t even know you wanted to see. ”Hiya, Sammy.” Dean answered the phone.

You were quiet while Dean talked to Sam. You had good hearing, better than both of them knew, but you didn’t bother listening in on the conversation. Instead you just took in the moment.

It had gotten considerably darker since Dean found you, the last of the sunlight had settled below the horizon. It was pretty quiet, although you could hear a car somewhere in the distance. A couple talking as they walked down the street the alley you stood in eventually opened up to. You kept your eyes on the opening between the tall buildings as you waited for the two to walk into your view as you heard their voices growing louder. But instead — someone else stepped into the opening of the alley. Someone far better.

”Sam,” you whispered as your eyes met with his hazel ones. Meanwhile, he lowered the phone and hung up.

”(Y/N)!” He exclaimed as relief filled his eyes, although concern soon fought it off.

He started running towards you.

”Are you hurt?” Sam’s voice was stressed, trembling, as he stared at the blood.

”I’m going to be fine.” You smiled. You were so happy to see him — to see them both. The resentment you felt towards Dean when he showed up had melted off you. You were tired of being angry. Instead, you let the euphoria overtake you.

The relief returned to Sam’s eyes, and he became the representation of how you were feeling. He let out a laugh as he threw his arms around you, and clutched you tightly against his chest. You held in a groan as your wounds still hurt a bit, but you didn’t want him to let you go — not for the world.

Dean watched with admiration in his eyes. His brother and his sister, reunited. Two of the people Dean kept closest to his heart.

”I’m so sorry.” Sam spoke, and you felt his voice rumble through his chest. ”Oh god, I thought for sure someone had gotten to you…”

”Sam, it’s okay.” You reassured him. ”I forgive you, and even if someone tried — I can assure you that I’m not easy to kill. Promise.”

”Okay,” Sam nodded, and let out a deep breath. You felt his heartbeat slow down to a more normal, calm, rate. ”I’m not letting you out of my sight again.”

Then he let you go, and you looked over at Dean, who was watching over you with round, soulful green eyes. You couldn’t stop yourself, before you stepped forward and wrapped your arms around his upper body.

After hugging him for a moment, you stepped back. ”I’m sorry I lied for years.”

”We’re sorry for what we said and leaving you.” Sam countered.

”What about we just forget it?” Dean offered, and both you and Sam nodded. ”Let’s go home, instead.”

You rose your eyebrows, the way Dean said home got you curious, as if there was something you had missed.

”We have something to show you.” Dean explained, anticipation in his eyes, and you smiled.

What could it be?

Arriving at the bunker, you felt the excitement grow inside of you. An actual home. Dean and Sam watched your reaction with smiles on their faces.

Now, you would have walked around and explored the building — if you weren’t exhausted. It had been a long day — heck, months — and the run in with the hunters that came after you had taken a toll on you. Sure, you were a kitsune, more powerful than any human, but your body had used up most of its energy healing itself. And now, you were ready to turn in for the night.

Sam and Dean saw this, and understood. So, Dean looped his arm through yours and began leading you towards his room. You would soon get your own room, of course, the bunker had a lot of space, but for now his and Sam’s were the only ones with made beds, so for the night, it would have to do.

Entering the room, you immediately crashed down onto the bed, and Dean gently pulled the covers over you. You flipped over to your stomach and instinctively pulled the blankets over you head, snuggling into the bedding, just like you always did.

Just as Dean thought you were out, you spoke up. ”I love you, Dean.”

Dean felt how your words tugged at his heartstrings. ”I love you too, (Y/N).”

He smiled and ran a hand over your hair.

You shifted a bit, and snuggled in further under the covers. ”Tell Sammy I love him too.” You added, mumbling. Then, you nodded off into sleep.

Of course Dean would tell Sam that, because just like Dean, Sam probably needed to hear it again.

And even though Dean still kind of felt like he didn’t deserve it, he was beyond happy to hear you say it; that you loved him. Because, he loved you too.

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floramodus-archive · 8 years ago

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==> Flora: Confess

floramodus raddddia i know im like

floramodus half hammered and the past 24 hours hasnt helped me much as a mentally stable individual but you know what? fuck it man i love you and not in a friend way though you are! one of my closest friends i just i love you alot romantically youre a hellfire in the arctic and i love you

tlmetravel im sure you think you do, sweets its the alcohol im not angry at you for relapsing, as a side reminder for later need help sobering up?

floramodus i need help for you to take me serious for once.

tlmetravel i am

tlmetravel im very serious about you needing to sober up

floramodus im already half sober because dean hasnt let me have anymore since he got home the point is: im not saying anything because im drunk. im not clinging to you because im drunk. i just had to watch my fiancee die, again, in full detail. im not saying these things out of of my ass, aradia, i love you.

tlmetravel you had to see that? on valentines day?

floramodus i made a choice to find the answer and i did, timing aside.

tlmetravel im proud of you for it im also sorry you had to see it oh, my poor girl, how you must feel happiness absent so strongly

floramodus ///I HATE HER MOIRA

tlmetravel //:)c

floramodus your avoiding the main topic and at this point i want dean to leave so i can go get moonshine because whats the point aradia. whats the point in dancing around it instead of telling me cold turkey? what do you gain from seeing me falter

tlmetravel im not trying to dance around it so much as give you the opportunity to take it back once youre more clear headed

floramodus thats almost painfully hilarous?

tlmetravel why is that?

floramodus because once again you arent taking me serious and i knew it would be this way for months. i knew sober or drunk youd find a way to make me regret speaking

tlmetravel im sorry if i have im just not sure what you want me to say

floramodus is it worth pursueing or am i barking up the wrong tree?

tlmetravel you have such a penchant for making yourself unhappy youve already dealt with enough serious, life altering topics think you might want to give it a rest before tackling this one give yourself a break

floramodus love in general? or love with you?

tlmetravel love in general is life altering

floramodus guess what! cock a doodle do my life is altered always! thats how we exist! thats how we keep sane! if you want to say no thanks than do it aradia ive been through worse.

tlmetravel you have thats why im not letting you have this discussion right now or make it into something trivial this is a battle for another day go to bed, flo

floramodus im not sleeping till you give me an answer i can sleep with

tlmetravel you are so endlessly cruel to yourself

floramodus i can sit on this couch all night and all day and die again and gain radia.

tlmetravel you do realize youre just proving my point

floramodus i dont care ///i typed that so loud every dog in my moms house just went off

tlmetravel regardless, im not what youve mistaken me for, flo im just happy and i think you just want to be happy too you have the right to be, at any rate //fck

floramodus just say it ///FUCK THEI R SCREAMING AND I PRESSED ENTER BUT ANYWAY

tlmetravel are you really so deluded as to think that just because /you/ dont care, the rest of us get a free pass as well? that well turn a blind eye to your safety breaches just because you throw a tantrum? you have /got/ to stop doing this to yourself you have /got/ to stop treating your life and everything in it with this kind of dangerous levity so no! you arent getting an answer! youre not getting anything until you tuck yourself in and let yourself /rest/ before taking on any more

floramodus ///I THOUGHT THat said fuck

tlmetravel //let dolly say fyck

floramodus well i guess this couch will be cozy while i sit here awake for as long as it takes

tlmetravel you will Not use your well-being as emotional blackmail not against me dave might let you and the rest of your friends might but you dont get to press on my moral values because /i have none/ and you will sit, and you will rot, and it will be for nothing at all

floramodus ///tfw aradia even makes me, the mun, feel like a piece of shit i love her

tlmetravel until you realize its pointless and let yourself out of this cage youve built out of whatever survivors guilt you brought back with you

tlmetravel //shes amoral and ppl forget and I love

floramodus you may have no moral values but ill tell you what i have thats less than that? the fucks i give about my place in the universe. i spent 7 years of my life questioning my existence to lose that existence and you know? i dont fucking care anymore. my life is mine to burn ///i like how u posted that and i sent the same screenshot 2 seconds earlier to joseph cause im living

tlmetravel //do u know how. pissed shed be at dave if she knew he let her go through w those amputation experiments? not v much bc shes incapable of being angry at him but shed Want to be and I,

floramodus ///asdfghjk

tlmetravel you dont get to play with fire just because you dont know what to do with yourself. you dont get to use your own life as a punching bag for your whims you dont get to keep expecting for these bridges to go up in flames when so many of us love you you dont get to look at love and call us stupid

floramodus i never even said any of you were stupid

tlmetravel then why do you keep treating us like we are

tlmetravel like well let this slide if youre loud enough

floramodus im not treating you guys anymore than the best i can ! its not my fault you take my life so personal! what do expect of me? to sit in a goddamn corner and suckle vitamins for the rest of my immortal days?

tlmetravel youre our /friend/! itll always be personal for us

tlmetravel wed destroy anyone who hurt you but, to our great despair, the only one keen on hurting you is /you/

floramodus im not hurting myself im doing what nature and common sense dictate

tlmetravel oh thats rich no, you are purposely doing what hurts you the most out of whatever misguided sense of survivors guilt but guess what none of it will make you feel better and it sure as Hell doesnt make us feel good

floramodus guess fucking what! the clouds told me bec lives! im doing something right with my life! even if i have to cleave my goddamn skull in!!! two!!!

tlmetravel youre making accomplices out of innocent people by not letting them help

floramodus you arent scientists. you arent magicians.

tlmetravel you are actively tying their hands behind their back because they love you too much to tell you any of this i dont care, flora and i dont pretend to and i wont pretend to just the same as you so blatantly dont care about /my/ good friend, i dont care about yours i dont give a flying fuck if your dog lives

tlmetravel non gratum anus rodentum it only matters to us because it matters to you

floramodus ///the acid fucking crashed my laptop

tlmetravel and your high-brow, dr frankenstein, 'oh im a scientist you wouldnt understand' act is not pulling the wool over anyones eyes youre self destructive bec just gives you an excuse to con us out of doing anything about it //God ™

floramodus //im not responding until tumblr boots back up cause she is nuclear moira

tlmetravel //good im not saying you dont honestly care for bec im saying he also doubles as a handy excuse

floramodus so what do you expect me to fucking do. how do you expect me to react to you saying the last goal i have in life is just that, a worthless goal. do you expect me to be gratify? do you expect to graciously bow to your ancient wisdom and sit in a bumbo and learn how to be "healthy" again for the sake of comfort.

tlmetravel yes

floramodus your goddamn right im self destructive i wont hesitant to tear my self apart for any goal worth it what are you gonna do about it? be content your fucking right? humanity believe a nuclear bomb would kill us all but that didnt stop them and it wont stop me

tlmetravel or you could just treat yourself as a tool, a means to an end, because god forbid you see yourself as a person, because you /know/ deep down that how you treat yourself? isnt how you should treat a person humanity really isnt the pinnacle of reason nor does humanity interest me, were talking about /you/

floramodus im human in theory but guess what? im not a person. im a god, a means of survival

tlmetravel does that flawed rhetoric make you sleep at night at least? because i really wish it would

tlmetravel because its good for absolutely /nothing/ else

floramodus i wasnt put on this earth to be comfortable ive been living in gunpowder since i was 6

tlmetravel you really dont want to start a sob story competition with me trust me you know why id be afraid, if you did love me?

floramodus despite my urge to tell you to shove it back in the textbook you crawled out of ill play your game. why

tlmetravel because youd put me above yourself and im historically against pedestals its a frightening thing to love someone who would damn herself in a second without looking over her shoulder death doesn't just happen to you, icarus, it happens to everyone around you your wounds are not just your own though they sting you most

floramodus icarus had one life. i have infinity

tlmetravel i dont care each one of your lives is as precious to us as if it were your last just because you /can/ doesnt mean you /should/ by all means, go on with this madness, tear yourself limb for limb if your heart is really in it just dont expect me to be quiet about it in fact, place no expectations on me at all hellfire, you called me hellfire, indeed

floramodus let he who has the match wick the bridge in flames

#ooc #logs archived #long /#blood /#suicide /#self harm /#gore /#drdp /?#ask to tag #plot #alcohol /#tlmetravel

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